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My Natural Hair Story/Journey

If you’d ask what’s the one thing that helps me to feel alive…its my hair. ¬†I a absoooooolutely ¬†love ¬†having ¬† locs that are free …MOST of the time, and ¬†it ¬†feels ¬†good to ¬† just have natural ¬†hair that GOD made… and ¬†see how the journey ¬†helps me to be free ¬†with the ¬†growth and ¬†I am ¬†intrigued most of the time to ¬†see what God does with it, next!

Washing my hair can be a source of pure pride. I actually have this sort of “glee” inside when I wash it, because I am often each time I am reminded of my spiritual journey. Perhaps because i researched a bit, and found hair is symbolic of several things: power, pride, shame & glory; and I even read some place it is relative to being thought of as: “the external soul”. Deep.

So.. Here’s my “Hair Story :

Over the past 8 yrs, I’ve wrestled with my hair. Its been quite a journey. “Should I cut it? Should I keep it long?” Will I know what to do with it when it grows out of control?” i now know that growing out of control was just an illusion, and I had issues with what people thought. So glad hat has subsided, and been buried in the ground. My hair has a preserving effect. It has kept me strong and delighted. hopeful and observant. And Telling. (Yes, with a capital ‘T’.) Because there is a certain “earthi-ness”, that comes with me, and I simple adore. I don’t like being categorized or placed into any one’s spectrum. I love to be brave, and have recognized the strength in being a brave soul. It’s been a journey, of sorts. A blessed one, indeed. One that has matured me, delighted my soul, kept me sane, and I can easily trace back to major sentiments and transitions in my life.

One of them being on the heels of a return from S. Africa, and a love for the people and how their hair were often personal & cultural statements about their lives, and mirrors to their soul. I now realize the ‘wrestling’ was not just with me, it was with my soul. And my lifestyle. And my choices about how I LIVED my life. I have realized where this new hair journey began for me, began with several new beginnings, and with each new beginning, I feel that much more resolve.

I am grateful for my hair journey today, the maturity, the resolve, the growth of my life and person-hood, and the courageous young woman it has helped me to become as i delved a little deeper in my soul, noticed where my life was going, considered what ‘beauty’ and Nthabi, looked like… (my African name). I have found my life wrapped up in my hair these past eleven yrs, and I am proud to say the woman I was then, I am no longer. My hair has evolved with me. Even my confidence, my refuge in this past year, and often my awakening.

Selah. 10-29-31.

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August 28,  2017.

Recently I changed my hair color and found my personality changing with it. Feels good to have options that add to your livelihood and manner of being!

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6. #50DaysToFifty: Joy At 50. Do Your Hearts Work.

IMG_20170826_222550Ava Duvernay inspires me. As I get older and wiser, I look to women like her, to inspire me. Strong, Powerful Black Woman, who doesn’t forget the skin she’s in. ¬†That has brought to light (on film) what the discrepancies are that exist between Blacks and Whites (in the Netflix movie 13th); and even giving insight as to why those disparities exist.

I’ve been contemplating on My Hearts Work, lately. Then one day on Instagram, Ava spoke to it.

Ava says:¬†“‚Ä™Before I was able to be a full-time filmmaker, I was a weekend warrior. Writing and shooting whenever I could. It’s Saturday. Do your heart’s work.‚Ĩ #onward xo”

When I was young, I ¬†used to want to be a librarian. ¬†My dad was a librarian for over ¬†thirty ¬†years. ¬†When I ¬†was little, my first memories acquainted with work was going to ¬†work with dad, and mom. ¬† I ¬†would ¬†ride with my dad on the Bookmobile, ¬†and ¬† travel to communities ¬† giving out ¬†books to ¬†the elderly, at ¬†nursing homes, and ¬†also ¬†community ¬†centers and ¬†other fun places where kids ¬†hung out. ¬†It was awesome I learned how to ¬†check out ¬†books so well, ¬†I decided I would work at the library for a while, and ¬†it was one of my first jobs! ¬†with mom, ¬†she was a ¬†teacher, so ¬†going ¬†to work with her and ¬†her classroom and on ¬† field trips, was the norm! ¬†It was ¬†exciting… but I knew I didn’t want to be ¬† a ¬†teacher. ¬†I did want to ¬† work with ¬†kids in some ¬†capacity, but I wasn’t sure how. ¬†I ¬†did like seeing them achieve, ¬† ¬†and pouring on the ¬†accolades.

Well… I ¬†didn’t ¬†quite become ¬†the librarian, but in college , ¬†it was always my work study ¬†choice. ¬†ALWAYS. ¬† Not ¬†because it was ¬†easy, it was ¬† quiet. ¬†and I loved ¬† quiet, and I also loved ¬†reading and ¬†researching. ¬†So it was fun. ¬†I ¬† had ¬†many ¬† ¬†libraries where I ¬†rejoiced ¬†in complete ¬† quiet and ¬†did my ¬†job. ¬†Quietly. ¬†I know ¬† — total introvert, right? ¬†Yep.

But mom’s ¬†job ¬†did ¬†sort of ¬† ¬†rub off on me. ¬†I became a ¬†social worker and ¬†guess where my longest running ¬† job was? ¬†In a ¬†elementary ¬†school. ¬†I did some high school in there , too. ¬†Loved working with kids ¬†as a social worker. ¬† They loved me too. ¬†Kids are so unconditional. ¬† They are also very ¬†faithful when you love on them. ¬†Love that about kids. ¬† I ¬†was able to ¬†mark this part of my life as a ¬†legacy ¬†leaver. I wanted to ¬†absolutely ¬† impact kids lives, but I also wanted to ¬†be ¬†one who impacted their parents, all the more. ¬† ¬†And ¬†so…. ¬†I became a counselor to ¬†and for ¬†families. ¬†In the substance abuse and addictions ¬†field. ¬†That’s where I am ¬†now. ¬† I am sort of loving helping moms ¬†to ¬†reconnect with their ¬†children. ¬†After years of neglect. ¬†Helping restore those families. ¬†Not sure if you know ¬† this about me, but I am ¬†a child of ¬†an alcoholic. ¬† Been there. ¬†Done that. ¬† ¬† Up ¬†until the age of eleven. ¬†My ¬†family ¬†went ¬†through some things that were rather challenging. ¬†But ¬†God….

My job…It’s ¬†rather rewarding and its ¬†also very ¬†cathartic. ¬† ¬†Kind of ¬†cleansing. ¬† Purifying work. ¬† Yeah… that’s it. ¬†It helps me feel …”full”. ¬† ¬† I ¬†guess ¬†that’s JOY, ¬†huh? ¬†Awesome. ¬†Guess ¬†I’ve ¬†come full circle. ¬†This kind of ¬†restoration is paramount in making me who ¬† I am, and ¬†who ¬†also I will be ¬†in the future. ¬† I ¬† dont have biological ¬†children, ¬†but I do have step ¬†children who need ¬†restoration. ¬† To a ¬† natural father and ¬† biological one. ¬†Yes, indeed. ¬†And I am ¬†ready ¬†to ¬† work it out.

So yeah..soon I’ll be 50 and I want to be known as a’ legacy leaver’ of ¬†Joy. I want to be one who pursued my dreams and people said the followed and found the same. I will keep dreaming as long as I live. If there where God has inspired me most with my dreams.‚̧¬†He has made the hardest one, come true. And turned it into a forever memory.

Surely , He can do more than this.

I’m in expectation.