Tag Archives: surrender

Being Present., Motivation

Seeking Normalcy in a Pandemic

I have been thinking about self -love and self-care and why others have such a hard time with it, sometimes . Lately, in the pandemic, Iā€™ve been way too busy. Iā€™ve been a caregiver for parents, Iā€™ve been a mental health therapist, Iā€™ve been a concerned friend. But I havenā€™t cared  for me , like I should. Iā€™ve placed othersā€™ needs above my own and thought less of mine .

When the racial protests happened I felt bad I couldnā€™t walk with them, because I was trying to be safe from the Corona virus.  I compared my suffering to that of others and thought about the consequences; feeling guilty I was not as involved as a activist for social justice issues like this. Yet then, I realized as long as I had a voice my voice would matter , my sharing and transparency mattered, and so did my attention on friends who were suffering the same.

“Even our pain and hurt should not be compared and ranked .” (Brene’ Brown)

These were Brene ‘ Brownsā€˜  soothing words while experiencing crisis. I don’t know about you but I’ve had a range of emotions during this ” stuck at home time.”

Brene encourages is by saying: “Don’t ration love.” We need to up the ante on self-love. Self-love is not something I often think about ; but oh do I need more of it!

Though itā€™s hard sometimes, I find the need to just stop, slow down, and take morning baths. Why? Because morning baths are soothing, relaxing and set the tempo for the rest of my day.

I also read  on self- development and  how to be my best self,  take notes and meditate on learning points through the week. Why? Because knowledge is always present , and I am ever- evolving. And I need this meditative , contemplative part of me to be a sanctuary for a sound mind.
I have other self- soothing tips during this season. But self-love is an ā€˜acquired tasteā€™ for me, and it takes thoughtfulness , meaning-making and time to pause.

ā€œWe need to attend to our own emotions, so we can be also present for others.ā€

I am not certain Iā€™ve been very consistent with this. There are times I didnā€™t want to even think about how I felt. Being numb and not thinking much, just felt safer. But then I realized ā€œthereā€™s safety in a multitude of counselors.ā€ (Scripture) And this safety is wrapped up in the arms of those who comforted me and believed I wasnā€™t alone. With them in my life,  life is just better.

We should never compare our suffering, emotions or affect with other-suffering. We should not deny or double down on our feelings. This invites shame, says Brene’ Brown.

Listen in to the Unlocking Is podcast with Brene’ Brown

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unlocking-us-with-brenƩ-brown/id1494350511

Being Present., Embracing, Gratefulness, Motivation, Receiving, SELF CARE, Vulnerability

Taking Care of My Soul.

img_9604-1Itā€™s so  very interesting how patience plays into our care of the soul. Almost two months ago, I left Tulsa Oklahoma, tense and overwhelmed and anxious. Across country moves just seem to impact me in that way. Iā€™ve done two of them, in my lifetime. And as much as I plan to be calm and take time off in advance, it just doesnā€™t work out that way. Thereā€™s always something to be concerned about:

Will there be enough income  for the transition ?

Will we like where we are going?

Will totally dislike  the cold?

Wil I make friends easily?

Will I enjoy my job?

So Iā€™ve been out of work now for almost two months. I didnā€™t plan on that. Just took them a month to have me approved. Itā€™s like, really?  (They donā€™t manage  job contracts as smooth as  they used to .)

Okay, so now Iā€™m in this place of much more calm and grace and gratefulness. It seems like no matter the amount of time it took, it took this ā€˜much needed ā€˜ time to  rest and rejuvenate and re- order my steps.

Everyday Iā€™ve tried to stop and be grateful for at least one thing, then Iā€™d acquiesce ll over again . And breathe. When Iā€™m anxious and uptight , I tend to forget to breathe , and I tend to forget to express thanks for where I am.

Perspective matters.

I really didnā€™t think I  needed this, but apparently my soul knew I needed it. Iā€™m currently in central NY in a beautiful hotel for the past few days – soaking up sunny days and  breathing in fresh fall air.  Enjoying time as the trees change into their beautiful autumn hues. And I have time to do this, so Iā€™m thankful.

So the next time youā€™re complaining about how long something takes, just stop and think about whereā€™s the grace in it. What are you grateful for?

Where does your soul align with the process?

And how much are you frustrating grace in the process?

Receive the good, and abandon the eat that isnā€™t quite helpful.

My soul aligning with ā€œthe processā€.Receive your new beginning.

Selah.

Being Present.

Surrender.

1 Comment

Today, I laid on my Mama’s & Daddy’s living room floor in full surrender and almost fell asleep. My soul felt good lying there, just thinking about the new life I was now creating. It’s only been a few days.

Sometimes some of the most beautiful sights and experiences can happen in some of the most vulnerable places.

I’m still writing about my move, because it’s such a humongous loss. It’s gain, because I’m entering into a new , wonderful place to live, but it’s also been a challenging move.

I not only miss my friends, I miss an awesome church family, and I miss my life there. I left a fairly good job that I loved; working with women who were close to my heart for the potential they had in their futures.

I felt on purpose.

And then… without much warning.. maybe two months of it, it’s all gone.

Or is it?

I’m not certain it’s all gone, but it’s definitely shifted.

Into a new place in my life. Placed on a shelf like a badge of honor and blessings overflow.

But you know, you cannot then your back on good things, unless you know there more out there for you .

And so I surrender…

I acquiesce .

And I make a conscious choice to go forward; leaving everything familiar behind. And I choose life.An entirely new life, because I can. And , because my life leans forward for new things, blessed things, a calling that is sure, destined and meant to be.

It’s not scary, it’s just unknown . And where some choose to stay comfy – and take no leaps because ‘a leaping life‘ could absolutely different than before , I chose this new life because I’m sort of addicted to adventure.

And adventure in this life, could look like surrender, in the next. And that’s quite fine. It’s so alright.

As I sat on the floor in full surrender; my siblings asked if I wanted a chair, and I said ‘No.’

No chairs. Full surrender . No extra supports.

I realized talking to family recently, why my move from Tulsa, OK to N.Y. was so challenging for me. I’ve developed a sense of family & community there that consists of friends and very special connections . And my, … I had no idea it had grown so full of sentiment for me. Perhaps it isn’t until you leave a people you love, you realize just how special they’ve been.

It’s a good thing… surrender. And so I’m learning in my surrender, to also soar.

"the hard stuff", Being Present., On Thriving, Receiving

Receiving. My Word for 2018.

BD63AA00-8730-481E-B68A-C3042CF89B6D

Hey there, first week in January and I feeling like Iā€™m on a roll, already! Iā€™ve been doing a out of contemplating over the past two weeks an have found that being in the place of ā€œReceiving ā€œ has been very prosperous for me.

Let me be completely Ā transparent about why this word is so meaningful.

Well first of all, I realize Iā€™ve been believing and walking beneath my own standard. A standard is something we set for ourselves- or something that has a certain level of authority , in our lives – ā€œa Ā rule or principleĀ established by ethics, morals customs as acceptable by an individual.

Anything that has authority in your life has rules and principles to follow. And yes .. these principles should establish me, fully. I havenā€™t been receiving.

Theres been quite a bit of lack in my life, and a few things I had been to fearful to walk out … so I didnā€™t give it my all. Truth is, I didnā€™t Ā believe I could have it. Had pretty much convinced myself Ā that I could ā€œsettleā€. Settle for what?

LESS.

Yeah, and was comfortable with less, too. Or ā€œjust enoughā€. You know, we get comfy where we are, and we stop reaching. We forget we have goals and the goals we beloved in, become clouded over because we either stop believing or we lose sight of inspirational folk who help guide us there.

As long as I was comfortable, I was good. Then the little ā€œmoreā€ angel came and sat on my shouldering whispering things like: ā€œYou can do that!ā€; ā€œWhat are you waiting on?ā€ ā€œWhat are you doing?ā€ ā€œTry this instead…ā€ or ā€œBelieve God for this..ā€

And I listened. Started opening up my soul for MORE.

Praying for more, trying more, reaching out for more that helps me to be BETTER.

And something shifted. Just like that. A mentor of mine told me:ā€You have a different confidence than you had last year.ā€

And I agreed. Then reflected. There are consistent tasks I was working out in my soul, and they are proving well for me. So this year, Iā€™m all about Receiving. Take life one day at a time- with an expectation of ā€œmoreā€… on a consistent basis. Pushing myself past my limits, and smiling brightly at every turn.

I will tell you what they were next blog post. (Stay tuned.)

Dreaming

Yes.

So Iā€™ve been in ā€œyes modeā€……

Just saying yes to my life and what I want and need in this season and itā€™s been good. Iā€™m more comfy with myself, and I donā€™t feel like Iā€™m pushing myself along. It feels like Iā€™m driving.

You ever felt like youā€™re in a car someone else is always driving?

Ever wanted to just ā€œtake the wheelā€ instead of being a passenger seat driver?

It took a while to recognize what ā€œdrivingā€ detail looked like for me…

Drive by detail means like.. Being Authentic to myself.

  1. Like trusting my voice. But, making sure itā€™s mine, first.
  2. It means knowing and valuing myself first before anyone elseā€™s approval is needed.
  3. Delighting in myself by taking time to honor and do self care.
  4. Enjoying my company.
  5. Having friends who push me towards a greater, more authentic self.
  6. Telling myself of the truth.
  7. Slowing my rhythm to Gods Rhythm.
  8. Trusting myself.
  9. Investing Time, Energy and Commitment to my passion and my craft.
  10. Blessing my neighbor.

Iā€™m getting there… slowly, but surely.

Cruise control feels best.

#NthabiHappy, Living, On Being, On Thriving

On Being Authentically Happy.

Iā€™m learning authentic happiness is often  unearthed in the places we least expect.

So… after a very challenging  week last week, and more contemplation on just what it takes to remain in a positive state of mind and be: #NthabiHappy , I have found that it takes effort and a soul- searching and it helps to also be aware of your state of being and having tools & resources, mentors , even to help you manage to shift it; even noticing at times when it’s okay to NOT shift it, and to “just be.”

One of my girlfriends asked me today in the midst of my coping with my grief – “how I was managing?“. To be honest, I literally didn’t have words. I told her that I was just trying to be “present” with my grief because at the moment that’s all I knew how to do.   I learned that here.

I know, you didnā€™t expect a ā€œHappinessā€ article to be about grief, did you? (Itā€™s Ok. ) – it’s just authentic talk. Contentment comes with acceptance . Iā€™m learning that the more content you are in your soul, the better you exude happiness. We have to deal with the unrest in our souls in order to be truly authentic human beings.
Sometimes being present to life and living it , it’s what necessary to thrive. The effort we put forward in being one who lives with purpose and living in faith, are what sustains is.

And movements of faith looks like : Finding others who share our faith, encourage us, those who treat us with love and kindness, taking care of our soul: our mind , will and emotions… and living in peace with ourself and others. It looks like praying, and sitting and being honest with yourself, telling yourself what you need, then pursuing that. This year, I knew I needed a group of women praying with me. So I created a group called SHINE–Sisters Helping Intercede Nurture and Excel. Shine is doing so much more than I ever imagined! (And it’s only six months old.) Yet I am excelling and I’m being nurtured by women who are awesome leaders.

As I look back and think about my answer, I realized that was great for an answer, because if we live in the present, we are not numbing out . We are living life and not allowing it to happen to us, but we are being conscious to what we need to be in this life.

Sometimes when you aren’t sure “how to be”; you have to just focusing on BEING. And then feel what you must, in that moment, even if it’s the most saddest, painful and unspoken fear you’ve ever had. Then call a friend, get some professional help if it surfaces too often or is too heavy for you; or perhaps get a mentor to guide you through it or help with combined perspective; and don’t walk it ALONE.

This “processing” of myself and my pain, I literally decide to ’embrace’ and ‘move through it’, in order to become a better me. And that’s quite alright.

As I therapist, I’ve learned that moving through your pain with someone who understands and makes you feel totally and absolutely validated in that pain, can actually help you to move past the most painful part of it.

But it still takes some time. Make some attempts at being as authentic as you can possibly be.
What does that mean? It means to not deny what is inevitable. Practice acceptance and just move through your emotions feeling every part of who you are.  But after a while letting go. Remembering that this has made you a better person, accepting that itā€™s meaningful, and embracing the lessons learned.

Being #NthabiHappy ( that’s my video blog series) Today, NthabiHappy means just allowing myself to be authentically me. Feeling the good, feeling the not so good, yet determining to still be happy, despite myself and my emotions. When we learn to embrace emotions instead of run from them, we’ll find that life can be a rewarding presence and those emotions can transform into Pure Joy.

Selah.

Dreaming

“Making A Surrender Inventory”

“Take your everyday ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going to work and walking around life and place it as an offering before God.”

chicago

So, I was here today…Ā Making a surrender inventory. I read about Ā in a book i was reading and here are all the categories, below.

Completing my own surrender inventory was pretty tough. I had to be pretty truthful with myself. I am learning the more transparency we allow in our lives, helps us to grow and change and be OPEN to change. The less transparency we allow, the more we are stagnant.

To “Surrender” means: one who’s will and affections are yielded to the power,control or possession of another’s influence – on demand. I really didn’t like the demand part, but then I thought about it, and reasoned that maybe, just maybe doing something because there is a demand for it, makes it all the more valuable to surrender to. (For instance, without supply – demand doesn’t exist, right?) One cannot give freely what is not REQUIRED. Selah.

I was able to utilize this AWESOME assessment of my life purpose by reading the book:Ā “Conversations on Purpose”, Ā By Katie Brazelton

So here were the categories and I will choose to write ‘something’ about each one here on my blog:

* Social /Relational *Mental
*Physical *Emotional
* Family *Spiritual Growth & Faith
*Church Involvement *Sins /Character Faults
*Vocation/Avocation * Entrepreneurial
* Mission field *Life Purpose/Calling
*Multiple Areas of Life

So here are mine:
I. Social /Relational:( Surrendering to God’s ability to give me acceptable partners;Vulnerability, Lack of Authenticity, Passive Aggressiveness)
Okay, I have spoken about vulnerability on several occasions and I can say this: the fact of surrender gets magnified ten times and looks all the more scary, when we are afraid of being vulnerable, yet the rewards are AWESOME. Your life is enriched, its more full and alive, and you experience much more sincerity and can offer it as well.

II. Mental: (Abilities , Control/Manipulation, Failures, Hope, Dreams, Longings, &Perspective.) Surrendering to perspective takes a WILLINGNESS. I cannot surrender to anything outside of my own perspective unless I am at first willing.

III. Physical : My Body, My Energy Level Safety, Pain, Image.
MY energy level has been a MAJOR challenge for me, especially when I leave from work, and have an entire evening to continue with. If I am exhausted, sometimes I have to MAKE my second wind blow!

IV. Family ( Miscarriage, Motherhood, Intimacy, Spouse, Empty Nest.) Surrendering to my spouse looks like: Yielding. I have found that yielding to anyone, helps them know you are not their enemy, so why waste the energy, anyway?

V. Emotional: All feelings Regret, Self hate, Shame, Joy, Fear.
Surrendering to fear really shows where your strength is. I have had to do this several times, but what was really on the other side was: COURAGE.

VI. Spiritual Growth and Faith : Spiritual Journalism, Forgiveness, Spiritual Disciplines & Practice – Spiritual Disciplines are VERY HARD to do. Yet so rewarding and bring so much RESOLVE when we relent. i tend to spend a lot of discipline here Ā ad n my soul it just shines, as a result.

VII. Church Involvement:( I know, right, yes we have to submit even unto that! ) I just chose 2 , but Fellowship and A Servant heart – can be challenges to surrender to… * Fellowship – because I am an introvert, being around people sometimes has to be forced. But i have so much fun, I wonder why I ever avoided it!

VIII. Sins and character Faults: Bitterness, Rage and Laziness:( had to get that one in!)
Bitterness – (used to have it, used to have it!) And boy did it eat me up! I was so bitter, I spewed out venom! Naw, I really was mean though, at one point in my life. But it stole my peace so much, I decided it took MUCH MORE ENERGY to hold onto it, than it did to LET IT GO.

IX. Vocation/Avocation:Ā (Boss, Office Politics)

In this area, I have often chosen o work in Ā fields that reflect my values and my strengths n working with families and Ā have mostly been pleased.

X.Ā Entrepreneurial/Business Detail: Health Care, Contracts, Fees. Contracts – we often feel like we don’t charge enough, nor do we put it all in there. Surrendering to this process looks like allowing God to establish your worth, first.

XI. Addictions, Compulsions and Obsessions: Food, Drugs, T.V. Sex, Nicotine. Food – oh so weak! But I manage by daily asking God to help me, and not surrendering to what My body wants.

XII. Mission Field: Personal Comfort, Willingness to Serve. Personal comfort – it LOOKS like COMPLACENCY, and I heard tonight that wherever complacency dwells, we are idle in every way.

XIII. Life Purpose & Calling : effort, Preconceived Notions. And preconceived notions can trap you up every time, because you ASSUME you know, but you cause yourself to enter into a bad place; by sabotaging the experience, and sacrificing those things in lifeĀ that have meaning.

JennRene | December 1, 2012 at 6:19 am |
12 Gems, On Thriving

saying YES.m To More.

Saying yes.

I was here today. Trying to do that things again.

You , know, say Yes.

Itā€™s like  hard to say that, you know? To say yes when you donā€™t know whatā€™s behind the door.

Saying YES.. when  all seems to be going against youā€¦

Saying YESā€¦ when  I can barely breathe sometimes, You know?

Saying YESā€¦ when other things seem to be calling us to higher heights and deeper depths.

Saying YESā€¦ to  God. Yes, not No.

Saying YESā€¦  to  everyone  but Himā€¦

Saying YES because I want to ā€¦

Saying YES because I NEED toā€¦

But I keep taking risks, and going  there because I want to be there,  so badly.

Yes.

you know that place where grace is always present.

Where ease feels like my best pajamasā€¦

Where hope  rises.

Where peace  rests and rests some more.

In my Yes-es.

Yeah, I want to be there. To see my own reflection and just be that person each and every time, in every way imaginable.  I just want to be there. Where ‘yes’ is.

I want whatā€™s behind the yes.

So….sometimes I see the reflection and grace of knowing yes can help or hurt me.

I see the beauty of yes … although sometimes it still seems so far away sometimes- the power of one little small word.

When I see the sun’s reflection shining through my window, I want to scream “Yes!”

I keep getting these awesome views.

And I rest in them.

The views that reach for me, too.

A few of my Yes-esā€¦

  • Following my dreams,
  • Writing with passion.
  • Seeking God for heart and His desires.
  • Hoping I am fulfilling my purpose in Him.
  • Not getting too caught up in this life,
  • Knowing and understanding thereā€™s another  LIFE to liveā€¦
  • Trusting my intuition.
  • Hoping against hope.
  • Sharing and loving on those who need help.
  • Trusting God more and more..
  • Serving.
  • Looking to fulfill, not to take.
  •  Managing what Heā€™s given me, using it wisely, and sowing it back into humanity and lives that never lived… fully.

I believe in more beautiful rays and hopes, and dreams …. deposited in me everyday.

YES!