I guess I’m back to journaling .. and sharing my heart with you all here…☺️
It’s really a wonderful season I’m in, so I wanted to share here some of those blessings and the mindset God gives me as I make shifts and transitions .
Ever felt like you had to go back to the place you were from to heal some of the things in life that you never really addressed fully? I think that’s why I’m back home after almost 27 years of being away.
Although a bit daunting, it also been a breather .. a releasing of sorts… an enlivened moment of peace, joy and security as I find my niche in anew city and try to reclaim my roots and my personhood.
‘Settled’ was one of my words for 2020, as I entered a new year, and the word “Rooted” showed up as I sought out the word. I am planning on being Rooted.. Or expecting on being rooted, I should say.. looking for roots and foundation in a way I never have… asking .. seeking.. finding… they are all good as the revelations flow and this discovery finds ME.
It’s going on my seventh month as a New Yorker again, and I’m quite delighted to be in a place of “Sincere Growth.” I’ve been planted in a great church that is concerned about my growth spiritually, and my purpose. It feels good. I love the smallness of it, and the people seem focused and ready to do exploits in God.
The pastor who spoke today spoke on getting ‘ planted ‘ and being with your tribe . I remember when I was in South Africa; although I didn’t know the people, it get so good to fool them for three mins of even, as I responded the South African language : when they said: Dumela Akai?“ (“How are you”? ) & if said firmly and loudly in response: “Kite!” ( pr.Keetay” ) -which means (Fine!)☺️💜It was as I was South African, they thought I was one of them. It was wonderful. And they were so kind to welcome me home.
‘Welcome home’ is such a blessing, they offer, when they welcome you back to the Motherland it does feel like home. Unexplainably, a place that’s foreign , could feel so familiar… And boy…was I welcomed! from the food to the parties, to the youth rallies, to eating the food, walking through flea markets, enjoying church services, having youth run up to me and hug me, and even in visiting foster homes as a social worker & speaking to youth about their dreams in schools.
As I contemplate on this journey, I also feel welcomed by God in N.Y. I feel His presence as being affirming, Loving, kind, as as I feel a shift in the familiarity, I feel “Welcomed.” By Him. He loves me.
And in this welcomed space is Healing. I’m just expecting it to be a part of the territory. I am.
Don’t be surprised what I share later this year as I become.
Watch out Rochester! I got something for ya!☺️👍🏾💜
“Where was grace found in your past when you stepped out on faith? “she asked.
“It was a sort of Surrender, she said. “
“This is a word you should seek again and return to that helped manifest your dreams.” I was speaking to a mentor who helped direct me at a special time in life.
So I was still this morning.
And I listened to the little small, still voice in my heart . And kept whispering… “ Surrender”.
And the word came back to me in Silence:
And then a little while later…
All these words spoke to me and I allowed me not to take for granted any steps going forward to make them as intentional as possible, and to ‘not hold back. ‘
And I struggled here.
I thought about all the places consistency had failed me: I’d struggled with hope.. and treasures seem illusive.. and I was discouraged for one moment.
Then, I realized I did t need to produce anything, or make it happen. I just had to Surrender.
It’s a discipline, you know .
I must continually remind myself .
I was here today. Trying to do that things again.
You , know, say Yes.
It’s like hard to say that, you know? To say yes when you don’t know what’s behind the door.
Saying YES.. when all seems to be going against you…
Saying YES… when I can barely breathe sometimes, You know?
Saying YES… when other things seem to be calling us to higher heights and deeper depths.
Saying YES… to God. Yes, not No.
Saying YES… to everyone but Him…
Saying YES because I want to …
Saying YES because I NEED to…
But I keep taking risks, and going there because I want to be there, so badly.
you know that place where grace is always present.
Where ease feels like my best pajamas…
Where hope rises.
Where peace rests and rests some more.
In my Yes-es.
Yeah, I want to be there. To see my own reflection and just be that person each and every time, in every way imaginable. I just want to be there. Where ‘yes’ is.
I want what’s behind the yes.
So….sometimes I see the reflection and grace of knowing yes can help or hurt me.
I see the beauty of yes … although sometimes it still seems so far away sometimes- the power of one little small word.
When I see the sun’s reflection shining through my window, I want to scream “Yes!”
I keep getting these awesome views.
And I rest in them.
The views that reach for me, too.
A few of my Yes-es…
- Following my dreams,
- Writing with passion.
- Seeking God for heart and His desires.
- Hoping I am fulfilling my purpose in Him.
- Not getting too caught up in this life,
- Knowing and understanding there’s another LIFE to live…
- Trusting my intuition.
- Hoping against hope.
- Sharing and loving on those who need help.
- Trusting God more and more..
- Looking to fulfill, not to take.
- Managing what He’s given me, using it wisely, and sowing it back into humanity and lives that never lived… fully.
I believe in more beautiful rays and hopes, and dreams …. deposited in me everyday.