Tag Archives: Embracing

The Value Of The Table.

This is my table at home.

If you have a table at home, it’s likely much happens around that table. Or, if you’re like me in the past few months, things have piled up on it, like books and magazines and … “stuff”.

I’ve decided this year to honor my table, at home.

It’s so dear to me. It’s been in my life now for about ten years, and it’s still holding 💪🏾 strong.

This means to invite folk to sit at it, to do rituals around my table, and to have great conversation around it as well.

It was a few weeks before it was actually up and ‘present’ in my new place. And boy, did i miss it!

I love my table.

It’s wooden and large, and it’s quite spectacular. I’ve had friends there, meals there, great conversation and dinners there with friends and family, and it’s just been a great gathering place for us. Change has happened at that table.
Marriage work, has been a focus – here, as well. Prayers and blessings have been given and good writing has even been accomplished with friends, at this table.

At work I have a table too, and there I receive great wisdom from my peer pastors, presenters and chaplains. Unbelievable memories exist as we determine outcomes around that table, and I gather a certain excitement even before I reach it. I’ve met new people and crossed paths with persons I may have never met had I not sat down and chose to walk this process out I’ll never forget some of those conversations as they have given me a spiritual maturity that has helped me recognize what really matters and makes me fulfilled in life.

The fact that so much growth happens has opened me up to new possibilities, and quite honestly it’s been making me be quite conscious about the interactions that happens around other tables in my life.

It’s so interesting that it’s symbolic for the places we receive, refresh, replenish & re-energize – what was once on a tree, is not something I also use to symbolize my personal, professional, and spiritual growth. The fact it’s so connected to nature and to my sense of peace and ‘groundedness’ are symbolic , as well.

What grounds you? Is it similar to an object, like a table? Is it a place? Or a certain feel you get when you have that wonderful sense of nostalgia?

This is my place. would love to know what’s yours. Just respond below.

I’ll continue to share with you those places and pictures in the next few blog posts.

Below is a pic I took in a park in Tulsa called The Gathering Place. Just sharing because it’s such a big wonderful, table in an open park and invites community, right smack dab in a big, beautiful city with lots of nature surrounding it.

( I also simply adore the fact it’s outside.☺️😉)

This was the first table I was going to use…at a community park, but I decided to simply use my own.

Contemplations of a Chaplain on (Self).

In the places where I am most transparent with Self, I find strength & resiliency. I am learning what I think really matters. I am learning that people have an inner compass they can trust to bring them through any adversity, and they only need to tap into that strength to make it happen.

I have learned this after finishing my first unit of chaplaincy. There is something given to being in complete transparency with those you trust. It rids shame, confusion and brings about a certain clarity, & depth of character. If you want to work on becoming more authentic, choose to be transparent, and share your life with those who need change. Show them how you’ve overcome. Gather together and learn from one another.

Trust God.

Through God, trust people, authentically.

Get to know yourself . Spend time with you. Be honest with yourself.

Bring your realness to the table and then push restart and begin again.

Rid yourself the shame, and celebrate the good, in life. Shame takes away your sense of positive pride. It crushes your reputation and your integrity. One can rebuild their integrity by choosing to be better and live better very intentionally. Don’t allow what others think of you to mold you.
Allow God to transform you from the inside out. Receive His Grace His mercy, His love. And forgive yourself and go on.

#chaplaincy #chaplainlife #lifeofachaplain

Receiving. My Word for 2018.

BD63AA00-8730-481E-B68A-C3042CF89B6D

Hey there, first week in January and I feeling like I’m on a roll, already! I’ve been doing a out of contemplating over the past two weeks an have found that being in the place of “Receiving “ has been very prosperous for me.

Let me be completely  transparent about why this word is so meaningful.

Well first of all, I realize I’ve been believing and walking beneath my own standard. A standard is something we set for ourselves- or something that has a certain level of authority , in our lives – “a  rule or principle established by ethics, morals customs as acceptable by an individual.

Anything that has authority in your life has rules and principles to follow. And yes .. these principles should establish me, fully. I haven’t been receiving.

Theres been quite a bit of lack in my life, and a few things I had been to fearful to walk out … so I didn’t give it my all. Truth is, I didn’t  believe I could have it. Had pretty much convinced myself  that I could “settle”. Settle for what?

LESS.

Yeah, and was comfortable with less, too. Or “just enough”. You know, we get comfy where we are, and we stop reaching. We forget we have goals and the goals we beloved in, become clouded over because we either stop believing or we lose sight of inspirational folk who help guide us there.

As long as I was comfortable, I was good. Then the little “more” angel came and sat on my shouldering whispering things like: “You can do that!”; “What are you waiting on?” “What are you doing?” “Try this instead…” or “Believe God for this..”

And I listened. Started opening up my soul for MORE.

Praying for more, trying more, reaching out for more that helps me to be BETTER.

And something shifted. Just like that. A mentor of mine told me:”You have a different confidence than you had last year.”

And I agreed. Then reflected. There are consistent tasks I was working out in my soul, and they are proving well for me. So this year, I’m all about Receiving. Take life one day at a time- with an expectation of “more”… on a consistent basis. Pushing myself past my limits, and smiling brightly at every turn.

I will tell you what they were next blog post. (Stay tuned.)

On Being Authentically Happy.

I’m learning authentic happiness is often  unearthed in the places we least expect.

So… after a very challenging  week last week, and more contemplation on just what it takes to remain in a positive state of mind and be: #NthabiHappy , I have found that it takes effort and a soul- searching and it helps to also be aware of your state of being and having tools & resources, mentors , even to help you manage to shift it; even noticing at times when it’s okay to NOT shift it, and to “just be.”

One of my girlfriends asked me today in the midst of my coping with my grief – “how I was managing?“. To be honest, I literally didn’t have words. I told her that I was just trying to be “present” with my grief because at the moment that’s all I knew how to do.   I learned that here.

I know, you didn’t expect a “Happiness” article to be about grief, did you? (It’s Ok. ) – it’s just authentic talk. Contentment comes with acceptance . I’m learning that the more content you are in your soul, the better you exude happiness. We have to deal with the unrest in our souls in order to be truly authentic human beings.
Sometimes being present to life and living it , it’s what necessary to thrive. The effort we put forward in being one who lives with purpose and living in faith, are what sustains is.

And movements of faith looks like : Finding others who share our faith, encourage us, those who treat us with love and kindness, taking care of our soul: our mind , will and emotions… and living in peace with ourself and others. It looks like praying, and sitting and being honest with yourself, telling yourself what you need, then pursuing that. This year, I knew I needed a group of women praying with me. So I created a group called SHINESisters Helping Intercede Nurture and Excel. Shine is doing so much more than I ever imagined! (And it’s only six months old.) Yet I am excelling and I’m being nurtured by women who are awesome leaders.

As I look back and think about my answer, I realized that was great for an answer, because if we live in the present, we are not numbing out . We are living life and not allowing it to happen to us, but we are being conscious to what we need to be in this life.

Sometimes when you aren’t sure “how to be”; you have to just focusing on BEING. And then feel what you must, in that moment, even if it’s the most saddest, painful and unspoken fear you’ve ever had. Then call a friend, get some professional help if it surfaces too often or is too heavy for you; or perhaps get a mentor to guide you through it or help with combined perspective; and don’t walk it ALONE.

This “processing” of myself and my pain, I literally decide to ’embrace’ and ‘move through it’, in order to become a better me. And that’s quite alright.

As I therapist, I’ve learned that moving through your pain with someone who understands and makes you feel totally and absolutely validated in that pain, can actually help you to move past the most painful part of it.

But it still takes some time. Make some attempts at being as authentic as you can possibly be.
What does that mean? It means to not deny what is inevitable. Practice acceptance and just move through your emotions feeling every part of who you are.  But after a while letting go. Remembering that this has made you a better person, accepting that it’s meaningful, and embracing the lessons learned.

Being #NthabiHappy ( that’s my video blog series) Today, NthabiHappy means just allowing myself to be authentically me. Feeling the good, feeling the not so good, yet determining to still be happy, despite myself and my emotions. When we learn to embrace emotions instead of run from them, we’ll find that life can be a rewarding presence and those emotions can transform into Pure Joy.

Selah.

Leaving My Home In Tulsa… & Making Embracing ” My 1st Home in N.Y.” …

IMG_20170801_192926438_HDR-EFFECTS-01-01Simply being this summer.. at home (in Rochester, NY), this summer was amazing.

Even when I just simply sat at home -in the home where I was born- and watched TV with my dad or stayed up late with my mother, I felt like I was in Nirvana.

20374645_10211398725136119_1910213501644863060_nThere were a few beautiful ‘movie moments’ and even some time to stop and  actually spend time dancing and being silly like we were living back in the 1920’s. The women in my family are kind of sassy, have loads of personality, and care. A lot. Sometimes too much, but they’re definitely all kinda cute.

My definite highlight was going to the beach with my sister. It was her idea, because she knows I love the water.

She is much more of an artist than I…I think in recent years I may have caught up with her, though…

IMG_20170804_040117_703.jpg

Darryl is a photographer , too. Perhaps we got this great gift from our father. We become excited about capturing highlights on water or in the air or even with people.

My nearly 80 year-old Mama got all dolled -up  for a 20’s Birthday Bash, and blew my mind with her outfit! Yes she did! And her boyfriend didnt look too bad either!

IMG_20170729_131543_559.jpg

And last but not least… I got to spend a lil time with our latest angel in the Cox family…

Lil Deion.❤

IMG_20170718_144225316_HDR

Contemplations On Relating: Owning Your Value & Your Worth.

I am what one may say —- a relationship expert.  Of that,  take great pride.  But I haven’t always been here… yea…proud.

I am not perfect, and I  don’t know a whole lot about what a relationship takes to make it work, but I really can appreciate a good one. I know when I have a good one.  Bad relationships are like a crack in the glass. (And since I have one  on my windshield, currently, I thought it might be best share what that’s been like. ) It’s expensive. Costly.  And it gets in the way of your vision your hopes for the future. After a while, you tend t ignore it, but t still has the capacity to cloud your vision. And sometimes our relationships are like that, cause we settle for LESS. A bad relationship can weigh you down and keep you from purposing your life in the right direction.

However, I am one who cares immensely about how  women ( & men…)  are treated in relationships, and I HATE domestic violence for  HUGE reasons. I decided a long time ago, that  placing myself  as a priority, is  MOST important. I once counseled a woman in  Syracuse, NY, who only took about five weeks to fully  determine she didn’t want to be in the relationship and  it was pretty awesome to see her walk away only after a sort time of self-evaluation. I believe anyway can walk away from a relationship if they do the proper self-evaluation and take the time to do the self work,  because it makes them decide to fly. Yet why does it take time to  wake up and realize our worth, and our value and  how do we become so stuck in this place?

 I hope to explore that in  the next few blog posts.

One of the biggest  problems women suffer with  in relationships, is  self-doubt. Women often second guess their intuition.

I know, because  I did this for years. And that was VERY costly,too.

Then one day I decided I would begin to purposely take the time to do  some quiet and meditate, self-evaluate and  do a personal self-study of what it  took to be  honest with myself about my self-confidence.  (Man, was it worth it! ) Along the way I found a really  good book, by Brene Brown. Her speeches on  vulnerability are the best.   (Brene’ Brown vulnerability   (You should check her out.)  She take a  good look at the influence of shame and our inner dialogue that happens with  our own personal self-confidence. It’s crucial to getting past the lies we tell ourselves. Reading her book :The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go Of Who You’re Supposed to Be and  Embracing Who  You Are” ,was freeing.

If women  doubt themselves they begin to eventually doubt every action, and it causes them to  not make even ONE decision at all, that can help them. If she doesn’t make a decision at all, she forever remains confused, disillusioned, and  stagnant.

Don’t allow a sour or broken and misguided relationship keep your from achieving your goals Life is too short already! Why limit it even more with excess baggage? Make a conscious choice today to  be intentional about  your destiny, your future,  and OWN your confidence.

OWN IT… and DO THE WORK!

nn