My Flavor of Being …Happy

NikonCoolpix
Facebook thoughts…

Happiness has been a journey for me. I wrote this on my post today , and boy …was I surprised what I wrote!

I didn’t expect to write about the “flavor” of my happiness. I laugh inside because I didn’t expect Happiness to have a flavor… (haha) … But it does! Happiness has a taste of butterscotch ice cream or vanilla amaretto something-law, or other.. It’s a savoring kind of taste. something that makes you wants to taste it, like, forever.
I have tasted happiness but not so much until I reached fifty-something, on a consistent basis.

I attribute this to hard work. Hard work involving “working on ME.” I have being doing tons of self-evaluation lately. I had a group of women it began with; yet I ended up doing most of it involving me doing it alone. And I’ve been consistently over the past maybe fifteen years working on it with deep, digging , introspective work.

Here are the words that I feel like deserve some applause:

🌸Confidence

🌸Self-Love

🌸Motivation

🌸Self-Trust.

🌸Settled.

🌸Placed.

🌸Courageous

These words helped me to step out of my comfort zone. Amazing how “one-word” reflection can help you to become intentional. If you’d like to be involved in a process for this, let me know and I’ll coach you through the process .

Confidence.

Since this month I am  speaking about esteem…  and where it comes from  and how it’s developed, I wanted to share  my story on  how I personally developed  my confidence and esteem .

It’s  a story of several  weaved into one,  but  they  all have   deep meaning.   My  story  doesn’t  begin here.. but I wanted to share  this  belief with you , because this young student  from South Africa  spoke to my heart and through my heart into something i have always believed.  She was the essence of my dream, articulated.     And  this was  when  I rose to the occasion and began  ‘activating’ my journey. 

It was  in    May of 2003  and  this room of young people had been gathered together to be encouraged.   I was not  surprised,  but then I was.  They were here to  hear a woman from  America  speak about following their dreams.   Why? because  young people in South Africa, particularly in Kuma,  South  Africa – in this  case,  had  been discouraged.  Suicide was  rampant,  across the land –  and  they needed a voice of encouragement.     And God sent me. 

I had  known I was up for the challenge, indeed

It had taken  six months to get here.  And I knew I was coming, but I had to be prepared.   So six months prior God began to establish His  message in me.  It  was a lot of  quiet time spent with Him to  hear what He wanted me to say.  I decided   during this  time , that if God was going to send me to South  Africa,  I  must have  had something mighty  important to say.

Standing before that room and listening to this  young lady, I had heard this before.  I had  heard this  in my Bible,  in my  teacher’s  rooms,  and I  heard the same voice of  encouragement in mother’s voice,  my mentors and auntie’s voices  that were  encouraging me on.   You see, what she  saw,  I saw  because  those gone before me  had manifested that belief in me.   I  knew the strength  she  knew was in her people;  she had believed was there all along.

And  so, my confidence  has come through the walking of other’s  shoes.  The  stride of their pride,  and the   risks they have taken to make  the  messages they  believed in made clear.   Without those  risks – they would not be where they were.  I told them  the risk I took in leaving everything in America behind.   I   did not believe I could make it to  S. Africa, and yet here I was , standing in a room before them,  encouraging their hearts  – Because  God chose me. 

I  told them how I was  chosen , the opposition I came up  against, and  how I still made it to speak to them.  It took  loads of faith.  Not just mine… but  others.   Then I turned the page, and told them I  came on  the backs of my ancestors.  And I knew I had to get to Africa  because  it was home. Home of my identity. And I told them how privileged they were to be in touch with the honor of being home. And living “at home”. they  were the dream  I had set out to be.  The dream of knowing and believing I had to return to my  ancestors   place of residence,  and “be that Queen.” 

The  queen  that  spoke largely to my destiny and my  significance, and the  queen  that  I studied about  – and who had lived  here in Africa, long before them. 

Yes,  they were   surprised they were my inspiration.

But my  inspiration had a long and lengthy legacy  of hope and faith.

 Selah. 

I have committed this year in 2018 to writing about 💎 Diamonds my online course and writing about the gems therein. To make it even more exciting, I’m challenging myself to write a book on how I got to the “Other Side” of pursuing me.”stay tuned as I share more on this journey, & eventually provide links to the course.

My Natural Hair Story/Journey

If you’d ask what’s the one thing that helps me to feel alive…its my hair.  I a absoooooolutely  love  having   locs that are free …MOST of the time, and  it  feels  good to   just have natural  hair that GOD made… and  see how the journey  helps me to be free  with the  growth and  I am  intrigued most of the time to  see what God does with it, next!

Washing my hair can be a source of pure pride. I actually have this sort of “glee” inside when I wash it, because I am often each time I am reminded of my spiritual journey. Perhaps because i researched a bit, and found hair is symbolic of several things: power, pride, shame & glory; and I even read some place it is relative to being thought of as: “the external soul”. Deep.

So.. Here’s my “Hair Story :

Over the past 8 yrs, I’ve wrestled with my hair. Its been quite a journey. “Should I cut it? Should I keep it long?” Will I know what to do with it when it grows out of control?” i now know that growing out of control was just an illusion, and I had issues with what people thought. So glad hat has subsided, and been buried in the ground. My hair has a preserving effect. It has kept me strong and delighted. hopeful and observant. And Telling. (Yes, with a capital ‘T’.) Because there is a certain “earthi-ness”, that comes with me, and I simple adore. I don’t like being categorized or placed into any one’s spectrum. I love to be brave, and have recognized the strength in being a brave soul. It’s been a journey, of sorts. A blessed one, indeed. One that has matured me, delighted my soul, kept me sane, and I can easily trace back to major sentiments and transitions in my life.

One of them being on the heels of a return from S. Africa, and a love for the people and how their hair were often personal & cultural statements about their lives, and mirrors to their soul. I now realize the ‘wrestling’ was not just with me, it was with my soul. And my lifestyle. And my choices about how I LIVED my life. I have realized where this new hair journey began for me, began with several new beginnings, and with each new beginning, I feel that much more resolve.

I am grateful for my hair journey today, the maturity, the resolve, the growth of my life and person-hood, and the courageous young woman it has helped me to become as i delved a little deeper in my soul, noticed where my life was going, considered what ‘beauty’ and Nthabi, looked like… (my African name). I have found my life wrapped up in my hair these past eleven yrs, and I am proud to say the woman I was then, I am no longer. My hair has evolved with me. Even my confidence, my refuge in this past year, and often my awakening.

Selah. 10-29-31.

†****††***†*****†††*******************†*††***

August 28,  2017.

Recently I changed my hair color and found my personality changing with it. Feels good to have options that add to your livelihood and manner of being!

IMG_20170826_113845412-01.jpeg

I’m so brave!

It began with an invitation. I could have said no, and in fact , I did.

I was invited to a planning meeting for one of my dreams to come true. My friend calls and invites me… and  I think about all the change and NEW experiences required and I think: (Wow.. I dunno.) It’s a leap.

But then I thought to myself : “What are you doing!”
You see, FEAR took a back seat, yesterday. It had taken six months of my year last year, as well.

I thought of the leader of this vision, her humility, her joy and her wisdom again , and I just couldn’t rationalize it away. I though about it, jumped mommy car and then showed up for everyone else .. My tribe . They  are the people I dream  of helping every day of my life . But even more so.. Those who are in my future and need new encouragement.

In that moment it didn’t matter we didn’t have a full plan. What mattered was that I was energized living life on purpose and  I was passion-filled. That’s all that mattered.
The conversation lasted that night til we were well into 4 hours and  I left, pumped. I even came home and wrote a vision I had  embedded  in the depths of my soul for years,  and  brought to the surface of my heart in only  a few hours.I came home  from this  meeting last night, and wrote an outline for a program I have been wanting to write for several months.

Life Lesson:

I learned something about myself last night: “I’m so brave!”image