Category Archives: Confidence

Confidence.

Since this month I am¬† speaking about esteem…¬† and where it comes from¬† and how it’s developed, I wanted to share¬† my story on¬† how I personally developed¬† my confidence and esteem .

It’s¬† a story of several¬† weaved into one,¬† but¬† they¬† all have¬† ¬†deep meaning.¬† ¬†My¬† story¬† doesn’t¬† begin here.. but I wanted to share¬† this¬† belief with you , because this young student¬† from South Africa¬† spoke to my heart and through my heart into something i have always believed.¬† She was the essence of my dream, articulated.¬† ¬† ¬†And¬† this was¬† when¬† I rose to the occasion and began¬† ‘activating’ my journey.¬†

It was¬† in¬† ¬† May of 2003¬† and¬† this room of young people had been gathered together to be encouraged.¬† ¬†I was not¬† surprised,¬† but then I was.¬† They were here to¬† hear a woman from¬† America¬† speak about following their dreams.¬† ¬†Why? because¬† young people in South Africa, particularly in Kuma,¬† South¬† Africa – in this¬† case,¬† had¬† been discouraged.¬† Suicide was¬† rampant,¬† across the land –¬† and¬† they needed a voice of encouragement.¬† ¬† ¬†And God sent me.¬†

I had  known I was up for the challenge, indeed

It had taken  six months to get here.  And I knew I was coming, but I had to be prepared.   So six months prior God began to establish His  message in me.  It  was a lot of  quiet time spent with Him to  hear what He wanted me to say.  I decided   during this  time , that if God was going to send me to South  Africa,  I  must have  had something mighty  important to say.

Standing before that room and listening to this¬† young lady, I had heard this before.¬† I had¬† heard this¬† in my Bible,¬† in my¬† teacher’s¬† rooms,¬† and I¬† heard the same voice of¬† encouragement in mother’s voice,¬† my mentors and auntie’s voices¬† that were¬† encouraging me on.¬† ¬†You see, what she¬† saw,¬† I saw¬† because¬† those gone before me¬† had manifested that belief in me.¬† ¬†I¬† knew the strength¬† she¬† knew was in her people;¬† she had believed was there all along.

And¬† so, my confidence¬† has come through the walking of other’s¬† shoes.¬† The¬† stride of their pride,¬† and the¬† ¬†risks they have taken to make¬† the¬† messages they¬† believed in made clear.¬† ¬†Without those¬† risks – they would not be where they were.¬† I told them¬† the risk I took in leaving everything in America behind.¬† ¬†I¬† ¬†did not believe I could make it to¬† S. Africa, and yet here I was , standing in a room before them,¬† encouraging their hearts¬† – Because¬† God chose me.¬†

I¬† told them how I was¬† chosen , the opposition I came up¬† against, and¬† how I still made it to speak to them.¬† It took¬† loads of faith.¬† Not just mine… but¬† others.¬† ¬†Then I turned the page, and told them I¬† came on¬† the backs of my ancestors.¬† And I knew I had to get to¬†Africa¬† because¬† it was home. Home of my identity. And I told them how privileged they were to be in touch with the honor of being home. And living “at home”. they¬† were the dream¬† I had set out to be.¬† The dream of knowing and believing I had to return to my¬† ancestors¬† ¬†place of residence,¬† and “be that Queen.”¬†

The  queen  that  spoke largely to my destiny and my  significance, and the  queen  that  I studied about  Рand who had lived  here in Africa, long before them. 

Yes,  they were   surprised they were my inspiration.

But my  inspiration had a long and lengthy legacy  of hope and faith.

 Selah. 

I have committed this year in 2018 to writing about ūüíé Diamonds my online course and writing about the gems therein. To make it even more exciting, I’m challenging myself to write a book on how I got to the “Other Side” of pursuing me.”stay tuned as I share more on this journey, & eventually provide links to the course.

My Natural Hair Story/Journey

If you’d ask what’s the one thing that helps me to feel alive…its my hair. ¬†I a absoooooolutely ¬†love ¬†having ¬† locs that are free …MOST of the time, and ¬†it ¬†feels ¬†good to ¬† just have natural ¬†hair that GOD made… and ¬†see how the journey ¬†helps me to be free ¬†with the ¬†growth and ¬†I am ¬†intrigued most of the time to ¬†see what God does with it, next!

Washing my hair can be a source of pure pride. I actually have this sort of “glee” inside when I wash it, because I am often each time I am reminded of my spiritual journey. Perhaps because i researched a bit, and found hair is symbolic of several things: power, pride, shame & glory; and I even read some place it is relative to being thought of as: “the external soul”. Deep.

So.. Here’s my “Hair Story :

Over the past 8 yrs, I’ve wrestled with my hair. Its been quite a journey. “Should I cut it? Should I keep it long?” Will I know what to do with it when it grows out of control?” i now know that growing out of control was just an illusion, and I had issues with what people thought. So glad hat has subsided, and been buried in the ground. My hair has a preserving effect. It has kept me strong and delighted. hopeful and observant. And Telling. (Yes, with a capital ‘T’.) Because there is a certain “earthi-ness”, that comes with me, and I simple adore. I don’t like being categorized or placed into any one’s spectrum. I love to be brave, and have recognized the strength in being a brave soul. It’s been a journey, of sorts. A blessed one, indeed. One that has matured me, delighted my soul, kept me sane, and I can easily trace back to major sentiments and transitions in my life.

One of them being on the heels of a return from S. Africa, and a love for the people and how their hair were often personal & cultural statements about their lives, and mirrors to their soul. I now realize the ‘wrestling’ was not just with me, it was with my soul. And my lifestyle. And my choices about how I LIVED my life. I have realized where this new hair journey began for me, began with several new beginnings, and with each new beginning, I feel that much more resolve.

I am grateful for my hair journey today, the maturity, the resolve, the growth of my life and person-hood, and the courageous young woman it has helped me to become as i delved a little deeper in my soul, noticed where my life was going, considered what ‘beauty’ and Nthabi, looked like… (my African name). I have found my life wrapped up in my hair these past eleven yrs, and I am proud to say the woman I was then, I am no longer. My hair has evolved with me. Even my confidence, my refuge in this past year, and often my awakening.

Selah. 10-29-31.

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August 28,  2017.

Recently I changed my hair color and found my personality changing with it. Feels good to have options that add to your livelihood and manner of being!

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I’m so brave!

It began with an invitation. I could have said no, and in fact , I did.

I was invited to a planning meeting for one of my dreams to come true. My friend calls and invites me… and  I think about all the change and NEW experiences required and I think: (Wow.. I dunno.) It’s a leap.

But then I thought to myself : “What are you doing!”
You see, FEAR took a back seat, yesterday. It had taken six months of my year last year, as well.

I thought of the leader of this vision, her humility, her joy and her wisdom again , and I just couldn’t rationalize it away. I though about it, jumped mommy car and then showed up for everyone else .. My tribe . They  are the people I dream  of helping every day of my life . But even more so.. Those who are in my future and need new encouragement.

In that moment it didn’t matter we didn’t have a full plan. What mattered was that I was energized living life on purpose and  I was passion-filled. That’s all that mattered.
The conversation lasted that night til we were well into 4 hours and  I left, pumped. I even came home and wrote a vision I had  embedded  in the depths of my soul for years,  and  brought to the surface of my heart in only  a few hours.I came home  from this  meeting last night, and wrote an outline for a program I have been wanting to write for several months.

Life Lesson:

I learned something about myself last night: “I’m so brave!”image