Category Archives: On Being

Engagement. /Chaplain Contemplations

What engagement looks like when I’m in my passion.

I love being in chaplaincy. It pulls something deeper out of me than I have ever imagined. What does this mean for my life? What does it mean for my future? That, I am uncertain. But I do know it’s teaching me a better way to BE. The stories and the life-changing encounters and experiences have have changed me.

I don’t look at my life or the life of others the same. It purposes me to make life more meaningful.

I take nothing for granted.

Everything and everyone is sacred.

Selah.

#chaplainlife #onbeingachaplain #chaplainwork

Introverted Productivity

I am an Introvert.

It wasn’t until I packed up, moved my entire life and homestead from the East Coast to the Midwest that I realized this was true about me. I was getting married, and moved from Maryland to Texas. I was happy, yet overwhelmed. Completely. I was getting married, had to find a new job, and absolutely stressed out because I left my entire family behind, of whom I was at least used to seeing twice a month. It was at that time, my new husband to be, noticed me.

He recognized that I was very stressed and handed a book to me about introverts. The book was “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen

After reading two chapters. I realized I wasn’t going crazy after all, and that my life was in transition. Yet I still needed to keep a certain momentum, in my life. Over the past seven years I have crafted and shaped a new life for myself, because I gain and preserve my energy completely different than most. I love that I am one who loves to listen to myself think. I have learned the person with the most important things to say, is myself. And if I haven’t heard it first, then it hasn’t really been said.

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I am going to share with you the completely creative ways I prevent inertia and maintain my productivity, because it’s total self-care and provides mental productivity – which then preserves my physical, psychological, workplace and spiritual self care, as well.

1. I value my inner voice. I just can’t believe it’s taken several years in order for me to find it. In order to hear it, though I must listen. Cultivating listening takes skill. And it won’t happen unless we make that space in our lives for it.

2. I listen to my soul. I can truly say I appreciate cultivating the skill of maintaining a balanced peaceful and happy state of mind. Let’s face it, mental health care is not something everyone focuses upon, yet something everyone NEEDS. without it, we would lose a lot of things and not all of them are material. Emotional and spiritual care reigns high on my list of priorities because they SUSTAIN my inner being, and not only do others like me, I like myself.

3. Finding myself in nature and nothingness. I find stopping the “rat race” helps me to be more productive. Once I pull away, and become refreshed, then I can regroup and focus better. What sustains me, in those moments are: walks in the park, “quiet”, friendships, prayer and meditation, getting a kiss from a child that does not necessarily belong to me; but is happy to see me when I walk through the door. Simple, sometimes planned, and sometimes spontaneous events that make me smile.

4. Remaining grateful. I have taken to over the last few years to being grateful, because I love noticing the things I wouldn’t necessarily notice unless I was slowing down. How sun feels on my face, for instance, and how citrus calms my mood and help some to be a bit sprightly… noticing how a nice cup of tea soothes me and helps me to relax. Or to notice how much more refreshing it is to have a cup of ta while I read my favorite book on a nice, relaxing chair on my porch. when I place everything in perspective, I see the combined effect of being able to bring several of those instances of warmth and comfort to my soul in one place, and then I recognize I can say to the universe: “thank you.”

5. Intentional celebrations and rewards. Celebrations have been a rewarding tradition in my family. Growing up, I have fond memories of going on simple rides in the country, treating ourselves to ice cream, ‘just because’ as a family, or traveling once every summer to see distant relatives after a long season of work for my parents. Today, rejuvenation looks like the same. I am glad I have carried this tradition and ritual of celebration into my family life and legacy. When I married my husband Tim, rewards became even more important. He believed even if you didn’t have money, you still had to find a way to enjoy the moment. Carpe’ diem, became a regular occurrence, and I was on my way. Some of my best moments imprinted in the fiber of my mind have been when I slowed down and then would rise and be encouraged, because either obtained great resolve in my decision-making; or had a ‘creative jolt’ that was out of this world, and helped launch me to another level of success, in my career. I have a very fond moment of when I made a final decision to get out of an unhealthy, unproductive relationship that wasn’t satisfying for me. It came after going to a bookstore, buying my favorite book, and treating myself to Red Lobster, and eating alone.

I could tell you many more restful, productive moments for me. Yet, this may become a really long article. One of the greatest blessings of productivity may have just been taking the time to find myself and enjoy the moments in between.

And for that, I am grateful.

‚ÄúWe Are All Like Trees.‚ÄĚ

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‚ÄúWe Are All Like Trees.‚ÄĚ

I‚Äôll never forget how her face lit up when she said these words. I was in South Africa, Kuma, South Africa, in fact. I was teaching in a classroom of South African teenagers, and I was on cloud nine, (naw ….101..)

Her words were so simple and freeing.

Powerful, yet pensive, contemplative yet colorful.

Description causes me to attach meaning to sometimes things I barely notice. I know I’d always loved trees. Yet the trees in South Africa spoke to me. I remember having spoke to this classroom brill of teenagers and then coming back to a Johannesburg and spending time with my new friends  and their friends. I stood quietly in the backyard just thanking God for the experience of being in a South Africa, eating dinner with such focused and thoughtful people. There was a tree in that backyard that spoke to me.

Inlistened to her words all over again: ‚ÄúWe are all like trees.‚ÄĚ

And  then it hit me: Our strength. Our endurance. The people we are, and continue to become. We dream, we hope, we encourage , we teach.

And yes, I am one of those Trees.

Yes indeed I am.

 

On Being Authentically Happy.

I‚Äôm learning authentic happiness is often  unearthed in the places we least expect.

So… after a very challenging  week last week, and more contemplation on just what it takes to remain in a positive state of mind and be: #NthabiHappy , I have found that it takes effort and a soul- searching and it helps to also be aware of your state of being and having tools & resources, mentors , even to help you manage to shift it; even noticing at times when it’s okay to NOT shift it, and to “just be.”

One of my girlfriends asked me today in the midst of my coping with my grief – “how I was managing?“. To be honest, I literally didn’t have words. I told her that I was just trying to be “present” with my grief because at the moment that’s all I knew how to do.   I learned that here.

I know, you didn‚Äôt expect a ‚ÄúHappiness‚ÄĚ article to be about grief, did you? (It‚Äôs Ok. ) – it’s just authentic talk. Contentment comes with acceptance . I‚Äôm learning that the more content you are in your soul, the better you exude happiness. We have to deal with the unrest in our souls in order to be truly authentic human beings.
Sometimes being present to life and living it , it’s what necessary to thrive. The effort we put forward in being one who lives with purpose and living in faith, are what sustains is.

And movements of faith looks like : Finding others who share our faith, encourage us, those who treat us with love and kindness, taking care of our soul: our mind , will and emotions… and living in peace with ourself and others. It looks like praying, and sitting and being honest with yourself, telling yourself what you need, then pursuing that. This year, I knew I needed a group of women praying with me. So I created a group called SHINESisters Helping Intercede Nurture and Excel. Shine is doing so much more than I ever imagined! (And it’s only six months old.) Yet I am excelling and I’m being nurtured by women who are awesome leaders.

As I look back and think about my answer, I realized that was great for an answer, because if we live in the present, we are not numbing out . We are living life and not allowing it to happen to us, but we are being conscious to what we need to be in this life.

Sometimes when you aren’t sure “how to be”; you have to just focusing on BEING. And then feel what you must, in that moment, even if it’s the most saddest, painful and unspoken fear you’ve ever had. Then call a friend, get some professional help if it surfaces too often or is too heavy for you; or perhaps get a mentor to guide you through it or help with combined perspective; and don’t walk it ALONE.

This “processing” of myself and my pain, I literally decide to ’embrace’ and ‘move through it’, in order to become a better me. And that’s quite alright.

As I therapist, I’ve learned that moving through your pain with someone who understands and makes you feel totally and absolutely validated in that pain, can actually help you to move past the most painful part of it.

But it still takes some time. Make some attempts at being as authentic as you can possibly be.
What does that mean? It means to not deny what is inevitable. Practice acceptance and just move through your emotions feeling every part of who you are.  But after a while letting go. Remembering that this has made you a better person, accepting that it‚Äôs meaningful, and embracing the lessons learned.

Being #NthabiHappy ( that’s my video blog series) Today, NthabiHappy means just allowing myself to be authentically me. Feeling the good, feeling the not so good, yet determining to still be happy, despite myself and my emotions. When we learn to embrace emotions instead of run from them, we’ll find that life can be a rewarding presence and those emotions can transform into Pure Joy.

Selah.

Day 4. Weathered. #50daysToFifty

‚ÄúThe most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.‚ÄĚ
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

 

I looked up¬† the word¬† ” Weathered “ in sheer anticipation, hoping I could find some¬† jewel of a word¬† that described this¬† journey towards¬† fifty.¬† To tell t he truth, I didn’t f find¬† anything¬†¬† amazingly¬†¬† intriguing… but then,¬† some may beg to differ.

I was¬†¬†¬† encouraged by this word: ”¬†¬† countenance”.¬† Surprised?

Maybe.¬† I¬† thought¬† what¬† do I mean when I¬† say¬†¬†¬† a¬† weathered¬† ability about myself¬† exists¬† just¬† from becoming and¬† taking part in this ¬†thing called life?¬† I suppose it would have something to do with my¬†¬† ability to “be” –¬† come.

Your  countenance has everything to  do with you attitude,  your  bearings  and how you  wrap yourself around  a  situation or  thought life;   it has to  do with your character   your  condition, and your  demeanor.

I tell you… I am¬† not¬† pressed¬† about by¬† every whim and worry¬† no more.¬† I appreciate the¬† little things in life, and¬† the little people.¬† I¬† don’t¬† get all ‘tied up’ by things because I have¬† learned they just¬† tend to¬† work themselves out.¬†¬†¬† If we¬† seek peace, and we¬† pursue it.¬†¬† If we determine in our¬† hearts it¬† will work out,¬† ‘a¬† worked out ‘¬†¬† solution –¬†will eventually find us.¬†

I love the¬† word¬† countenance,¬† because it is¬† wrapped around this word “weathered.”¬† It helps me see that¬†¬† if I endure, and¬† if I withstand even¬† the most¬†¬† challenging¬† things in life –¬† even as a¬† tree¬†¬† weathers a¬† storm,¬† then¬† I¬† too, will have the marks to¬† show my resistance to the storms in life that¬† caused me¬†¬† to¬† doubt my¬†¬† ability to¬† withstand.¬†¬† I love the words resistance, as well.

For one,¬† as a therapist, we¬† tend to¬† see it as a¬† challenge when¬†¬† a client represents¬† with resistance.¬†¬† And I¬† thoroughly live¬† trying to¬† break¬† through it .. sometimes…¬†¬† although often it¬† can be a pain.

Just like anything else in life.   That requires   breakthrough.

Several of¬† us don’t¬† believe¬† in breakthrough.¬†¬† We¬† don’t¬† believe in ever¬† trying because¬†¬† we¬† think we already know what¬† shall happen.¬† However,¬† I have been so, so¬† surprised.

I remember one¬† time in my life,¬† I was¬† really, really depressed.¬†¬† And I¬† found out through¬†¬† surrendering,¬† life¬† became so much easier.¬† I wanted to give¬† up,¬† every single¬† day I woke up for about¬† a year.¬†¬† And I¬† wasn’t¬† really sure¬† what ” give up” meant, but …¬†¬†¬† I had a notion.¬†¬† so,, you know you get in that place, where you wonder in life.. “How¬† did I get here?!!”¬†¬† (¬† You think… Heck,¬† it¬† stinks.) And it did.

But then I¬† just let my soul¬† cry out , and feel the pain of being there.¬†¬† I¬† knew if¬† I was here, and¬† if my life had purpose, then¬† this was a part of¬† the process.¬†¬† But I also knew I had to come out of it.¬† I had to¬† ‘weather’ this.¬†¬† Yet I determined I would not do this alone. And if there was help,¬†¬† I asked God to send it.

And he  did.

Like… immediately.

 

And I tell you, I was shocked out of my mind.   That  there was  even  help like he sent it.

It¬† increased my hope.¬†¬† And¬† my¬† experience with God proved¬† that¬† if there was anything ever in life¬† to¬†¬† receive¬† breakthrough, with —¬† God was¬† the ‘One’ to bring the break through.¬†¬† changed my¬† whole demeanor, my¬† expression and attitude towards life , changed my outlook, my¬† disposition and¬† my¬†¬† grace in living , in this life.¬†¬† I¬† even had one¬† person¬† tell me I had¬† such “poise”¬† in how¬† I¬†¬† approached life.

I thought: “Wow …if they only knew me¬† and where I was in this¬†¬† dark hole,¬† like¬† ten years ago…”¬† Yeah,¬†¬† I have been weathered.

And happily so…¬† it¬† didn’t feel¬† very good at the time, and I¬† felt like¬† I was¬†¬† quite the unstable one… yet I had a¬† such a peace in the outcome.¬† And that’s¬† because I¬† cried out.

Surrendered.

Yes, my countenance changed.

  After all  that  weathering.

Hmmmm……

 

 

I AM ENOUGH BECAUSE I AM AWARE.

2D278918544E4C25A95045BF2C4CD158-1.jpgI decided to write a new series. I was in a ¬†Celebrate Recovery group and¬† talking about feeling “helpless”. It was a process for me to discuss in group, because as soon as I¬† spoke about why I tend to feel worried and¬† procrastinate on some things, I realized that¬† This vulnerable space I often feel between¬† not worrying and trusting God¬† causes me to¬† feel way too vulnerable.

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I Am Enough Because I Am Aware. 

Aware of what? Yogu may ask.
I am aware of my surroundings, the people I love and even the people I am not all that crazy about. I am aware of where I am going, and often where I am I am aware of the mistakes I have made, and the ones that  I almost made. I am  aware.
Awareness is about being tuned in. Choosing to  listen, tune in and observe. I hear what my soul is saying: My mind will and emotions, and I am  listening to what is right for me.
  1. ¬†What is right, or isn’t right… in my relationships?
  2. ¬†What is right,¬†or isn’t right¬†for me in regard to my emotions?
  3. ¬†What is right or isn’t right, for me ¬†in terms of how¬†I¬†operate in this world?
  4.  Who am I influencing and am I a RESOURCE  to someone else?
  5. 5. Am I really taking a God-honest look and reflection of how I present myself in this world?
Am I responsive to others in my circle?
Do I have a protective circle of adults, friends and  teachers/mentors who  reach out to me, assist me in decision-making and share their lives with me on some level?
Who are these people who help me to stay aware?
* ( You fill them in: ) 
  1. My Mentors:
  2. My Family Members:
  3. My Friends:
  4. My (Adult) Teachers:
  5. My (Adult)Leaders: (both in my life and in the media or books.)
Please note the names and reasons why these persons are significant in your life, today. How do they aid in helping your progress, grow and  become your best self?
Then ask yourself:
How often do you connect with them?
 
As a  young woman who is tuned in and AWARE :
I realize I must be productive, mature, positive, acquainted and alert .
 
I am productive.
I tell you , this one took a while. ¬†I ¬†used to find it hard to stay¬†productive. always learning, absorbing, seeking knowledge… Something was always in the way of my growth and progress for a while. Then ¬†I had to take ownership and make personal goals about where I wanted to end up. ¬†I actually take the time to read daily the blogs of persons that¬†inspire¬†my passions of photography, and of ¬†writing, and self-awareness . ¬†It has¬†definitely¬†made me more¬†creative. Yes,I study my craft. The things I am in good in. ¬†Communicating, ¬†Perceiving, Writing, and Observing. (And those are just a few.) ¬†I wasn’t even aware I was really doing this, until I had a really major epiphany /downfall ¬†in about 1997. It was more emotional ¬†and¬†spiritual¬†than it was mental. Well, I take that back, it was actually very mental.
I ¬†was ¬†in really made aware and I realized how unimportant TV is, to making me a¬†whole¬†person. I thought: ‚ÄúI am a person who is well-loved, ¬†complete, and ¬†considerate of others’ and their personal growth. And i want to give that back to others. How can I do it? ¬†Because when I was struggling, ¬†and my life had fallen apart, I wanted to help others pick backup the pieces. And so I committed myself greatly to that goal.
 
I am mature.
I don’t waste time ¬†on issues that are petty and ¬†issues that don’t matter. I spend time alert to how I can grow to be a better person and thrive in the skin I am in. I ¬†work my strengths. I¬†challenge¬†myself to take on new projects or learn new ¬†skills that help perfect my ¬†work, my calling and my purpose.
 
I  am positive.  I am  one who tends to notice people, point out what is of interest to me, and I compliment what I see. If I see value in them, I note it. I am embrace what they give me, as well.  When negative energy surrounds me, I choose to remove myself from it, because I am clear it will not help me to continue to grow and evolve, and RISE. I know myself. I am willing to share myself with others, as they treat me with the respect I deserve, and I am familiar with people  who have like-passion and purpose.
 
I am acquainted Рwith myself and others.
Why is it important to¬†¬†be familiar ¬†with persons of similar passions, they enhance and direct me ¬†closer to my goals and my purpose in life?¬†Because¬†it’s¬†energizing! Synergetic! I have so much fun being connected to people who ¬†actually love some of the things I love! And we join together for a common purpose, and common goals! It feel absolutely¬†synergistic! Some of the most influential moments in my life have been in the¬†presence¬†of leaders ¬†and deep thinkers who ¬† move me of out complacency and encourage me to be a better person and become more¬†self-actualized.
 
I am alert.¬†I am careful about my relationships and I am careful about who I surround myself with as resource. Relationships can be the most ¬†helpful or the most¬†hurtful¬†aspects of your life that ¬†either help you ¬†to soar, or cause you to become quite defeated. I¬†have¬†learned from enough hurtful relationships, that it’s not worth my time, nor my energy.¬†
Bottom line:
¬†Why invest ¬†and waste time in something that¬†doesn’t¬†help me to be better? I have become so much better as a person because of people who were attentive, involved and noticed my strengths and help me build them.¬†Those¬†who helped me to become, and¬†¬† and¬†invested¬†in me.
 
I am appreciative. ¬†I am aware of when I need to be grateful and practice gracious living. I used to always pray for humility. I believe I used to know that being the babe in the family made me less aware and less conscious of the need to be aware,¬†because¬†everyone took care of me and things for me.¬†I know , that I was a very ¬†hard time in my life, right? (I’m being sarcastic).¬†I was really blessed to have¬†people¬†care for me in ways completely undeserved, but I also know that I have to begin to get over myself. Being so important at a young age, made me take things also for granted, and I needed to grow up. So I had to ¬†learn¬†to be grateful, and ¬†it took a while to learn that. I ¬†began to use prayer as a¬†vehicle¬†to¬†help me.
When¬†I¬†am¬†UNAWARE, here‚Äôs what happens: I¬†neglect myself. I ¬†tend to do things that dont help me to grow, nor thrive I tend to not care about anyone, even myself. When I am neglectful, I am ¬†talking too much, and not listening enough. I am full of myself , when I am ¬†neglectful. More ‚Äúme‚ÄĚ than needs to be.‚ėļÔłŹ I ¬†tend to not ¬†be very thankful either, when I am¬†full of ¬†myself.
 
Have you ever been more concerned about yourself than what‚Äôs really important ?¬† It’s not just being conceited, either, I tell you… it’s being like a glutton. ¬†Consuming and wanting¬†something¬†so bad you’d do anything to get it. Quite honestly, that may involve being out of control. Immoderate. ¬†I don’t like that feeling of being out of control. It makes you feel small, and¬†insignificant. It makes you feel like you are not very important and… I don’t think we are well-liked ¬†when we lack self-control. With every ¬†act of ¬†pride, a lack of self-control follows.
What self neglect can look like for me:
 
when I am UNAWARE, I don’t take CARE OF ME.
– Not eating healthy –¬†(eating too much junk food)
– Not resting well –¬†(staying up all hours of the night)
РNot spending time with people who appreciate me, or my time. (being with inconsiderate persons)

When I am UNAWARE, I am Negative. 

Just Breathe.

by JennRene

Sometimes in life we tend to get lost in the sauce.. we miss the whole point about why we were given “the breath of life” and why we have it, and how important it is to BREATHE…deeply.

beach playPrime example: Today, I went to a seminar today on bonding and attachment and found myself taking in all the benefits of breathing deeply. I entered the ¬†relaxation and self care session feeling absolutely tired, praying for God to redeem me from the last three hours of the day… and complaining that I hardly had energy left.

Within a few moments… maybe three – (of a really neat deep breathing exercise… ) Oh how energized I was! I couldn’t believe a simple exercise of breathing in and out helped clam me so! Another exercise pointed out how by just being connected and bonded to another human being by a simple touch- sitting back to back or having their hand on my shoulders..simply being connected ‚Äď caused me to leave the session revived in my spirit.

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Taking time to breathe connects us to ourselves and to others. It helps us to notice what we don’t normally notice… it helps us to be encouraged find release, and be re-energized. Forgetting to breathe deeply can cause us to experience less calm, insecurity, less energy, less peace, less warmth. Why rob yourself of the deepest experiences life gives? Of Connection…(Both to yourself, and unto others?

So, have you ever wondered: Why did God give you breath?¬† Perhaps¬†God gave us breath to help us breathe life into someone else.¬†Are you wasting¬† the breath God gave you,… or are you¬†renewing it?There’s a¬† singer Fred Hammond has a song that asks :‘Breathe Unto Me’ – so that His soul can be made right and his spirit whole. If everyone only knew what God’s breathe within them does to bring them life.. they might take time to do it more often. After the exercises today and a few deep breaths in noticing how my life rhythm was impacted and had been interrupted, I realized I needed to do better work at caring for myself. I realized I had not been tending to and asking for my language of love – TOUCH to be nurtured.

(Contrary to one’s thought life…)

It doesn’t have to be another person you love who meets that need nor does it have to be sex. It can be a back massage, a pedicure, a hand massage.) But touch is only one language of love: Acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time.. are a few more…How are you getting your Languages of Love met? Are they being ignored? Replaced with pretentiousness? Neglected?

I ignored those needs for almost ten years of my life and refused to be calmed or comforted to the point I wasn’t even aware was my language of love!¬† I almost died inside. Don’t let this happen to you. If you are living in isolation, are lonely or neglecting your need to breathe experience touch – then you are not getting the fullness you need out of life to be soothed, bonded and comforted in love.

Make sure you find someone to help¬† breathe LIFE into your life – or find an activity that makes you smile, energized, makes you feel more special than you ever have. If you aren’t attracting these kind of people into your life, ask God to send them. He will. He wants the breath of life IN YOU to be REVIVED. He wants someone to bring HIS LIFE to life in you. God gave you the power to breathe… USE IT to bless someone else’s life, USE it to bless YOUR life. To honor someone in the SPACE of your being and doing. But DO stop, today and just notice: are you breathing deeply?

Just let God be God. Breathe, Feel. Trust. Be lifted.

Recognize and deeply take in the power to notice God’s calm and rhythm within .

Contemplations On Relating: Owning Your Value & Your Worth.

I am what one may say —-¬†a relationship expert. ¬†Of that, ¬†take great pride. ¬†But I haven’t always been here… yea…proud.

I am not perfect, and I ¬†don’t know a whole lot about what a relationship takes to make it work, but I really can appreciate a good one. I know when I have a good one. ¬†Bad relationships are like a crack in the glass. (And since I have one ¬†on my windshield, currently, I thought it might be best share what that’s been like. ) It’s expensive. Costly. ¬†And it gets in the way of your vision your hopes for the future. After a while, you tend t ignore it, but t still has the capacity to cloud your vision. And sometimes our relationships are like that, cause we settle for LESS. A bad relationship can weigh you down and keep you from purposing your life in the right direction.

However, I am one who cares immensely about how ¬†women ( & men…) ¬†are treated in relationships, and I HATE domestic violence for ¬†HUGE reasons. I decided a long time ago, that ¬†placing myself ¬†as a priority, is ¬†MOST important. I once counseled a woman in ¬†Syracuse, NY, who only took about five weeks to fully ¬†determine she didn’t want to be in the relationship and ¬†it was pretty awesome to see her walk away only after a sort time of self-evaluation. I believe anyway can walk away from a relationship if they do the proper self-evaluation and take the time to do the self work, ¬†because it makes them decide to fly. Yet why does it take time to ¬†wake up and realize our worth, and our value and ¬†how do we become so stuck in this place?

 I hope to explore that in  the next few blog posts.

One of the biggest  problems women suffer with  in relationships, is  self-doubt. Women often second guess their intuition.

I know, because  I did this for years. And that was VERY costly,too.

Then one day I decided I would begin to purposely take the time to do ¬†some quiet and meditate, self-evaluate and ¬†do a personal self-study of what it ¬†took to be ¬†honest with myself about my self-confidence. ¬†(Man, was it worth it! ) Along the way I found a really ¬†good book, by Brene Brown. Her speeches on ¬†vulnerability are the best.¬†¬† (Brene’ Brown vulnerability ¬†¬†(You should check her out.) ¬†She take a ¬†good look at the influence of shame and our inner dialogue that happens with ¬†our own personal self-confidence. It’s crucial to getting past the lies we tell ourselves. Reading her book :The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go Of Who You’re Supposed to Be and ¬†Embracing Who ¬†You Are” ,was freeing.

If women ¬†doubt themselves they begin to eventually doubt every action, and it causes them to ¬†not make even ONE decision at all, that can help them. If she¬†doesn’t make a decision at all, she forever remains confused, disillusioned, and ¬†stagnant.

Don’t allow a sour or broken and misguided relationship keep your from achieving your goals Life is too short already! Why limit it even more with excess baggage? Make a conscious choice today to ¬†be intentional about ¬†your destiny, your future, ¬†and OWN your confidence.

OWN IT… and DO THE WORK!

nn

endurance.

endureSo my word for the year 2015, was ENDURE. What an experience. (Let me tell you, if you ever intentionally ¬†intend to pick a word to focus on for the rest of the year, ¬†don’t choose a hard one.)

I am finding out that endure means to be triumphant. So awesome. Why ? Because there is a place inside of me¬†that requires less effort, as I endure. That says you will be triumphant, because of “Who God is in you.”

Loving the feel of this word once I get my shoes in it. I think I’m gonna wear them a while. They make me stand a little taller.

I have SO much to be grateful for. And so much more to be triumphant for in 2015 – it’s time I believe ¬†– to be one who endures in that triumphant space in my life, ¬†continually . And to be prosperous in God’s strength.

To endure.

If I were to be honest with myself, there were times where I didn’t give my life it’s all. Not in my choices, but my mental endurance. My belief in myself. Places I haven’t endured. Because I didn’t think I had it in me.

But I may have been trusting a bit too much in myself.

Lesson Learned: ¬† Make sure you ¬†place God first in all things. Never try to do things just because it’s something someone else would enjoy Always go to God first and ask Him HIS plan, because it saves you ¬†from heartache, and the tendency to try to please man first.

So… it’s time to surrender more in this life, to His life. The God kind of Life. Him as Yahweh. Yahweh who makes all things right, because He is Lord over Everything. ¬†Yahweh means “I AM”.

God illumines my darkness. God is ever-present. God loves me and is always near. This is Yahweh.

Moses had a revelation of himself, when he looked into the reflection of God’s mirror. His stature increased His size and His authority. When He faced His God His significance ¬†changed. As does with us all. ¬†We change: our nature, our authority, our countenance, our spiritual nature –¬†once¬†we have a face-to face encounter with the Lord.

I love that God¬†¬†goes deep inside of me where the recesses of ¬†‘Jennifer’¬†is¬†broken… not all together, a little shattered and imperfect; and ¬†I love the fact He makes me right.¬†My crooked places straight. Amen.

Ps 18:30¬†“As for my God, his way is undefiled: the words of the Lord are fire tried: He is the protector of all that trust in him. “ (DRB)