Sunshine Mixed with a Little Hurricane.

So tonight I just sat in silence.

Well …actually , I listened my spirit- and then I found myself some place where I was ‘supposed to be’ after work, and ended up at a special solemn event . And I pondered on how precious life is, and how if the same event happened to me, what would I want someone to do.

And that was just showing up. Showing up, that’s all.

It turned out to be a special day, because the things I had planned, yet I didn’t really do . I just let my spirit guide me. I listened within, and )with the exception of the french fries I ordered & that I didn’t need), I’d say I was alright . In the pensiveness , I thought about connecting with family… and I did . God knows I don’t do this enough. Yet, it’s pretty special when I do.

I’ve decided I enjoy connecting with people much more than I knew. I am usually very selfish with my time.

I am not certain I like that. I found out today that ‘missing connection’ is just not the way to live. And that I need to be more intentional about it. After it’s not about me.

What isn’t ?

Life. Circumstance. Connection.

So at the top of the morning I do some form of meditation and/or yoga. Then I listen to worship on the way to work, & I am pumped up, feel a bit lighter , and I settle on a work. Life is pretty eventful after that. It’s like a strong wind blowing… consistently ..and then by the time I am off it’s 4:30 & it’s time to get off. I got this title from the fact that one of ‘lil stickers’ followed me to work one day and it’s still there on my computer frame. . It said “sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.” (Describes my job to a T.) It was on my pants pocket and my boss pointed it out to me: saying: “ Jenn, you have a sticker or something on your pants.” I said :”Oh! Thanks… thought about it, and where it might have come from, & she asked : which one are you? “The sunshine or the hurricane?” Without a beat, I said : “Sunshine all the way, baby!” and everyone laughed.

This wasn’t a coincidence . I have to be sunshine on the job circuit because it can be that stressful sometimes we must find out how to connect ‘authentically’.

I thought about being sunshine. And I noticed I woke up following the sun to work today . Check out this pic! I guess if the shoe fits, wear it, right?

I guess where you’ll find me is following my intuition and forever observing spaces where I can reflect sunlight.

That’s just who I am.

me being led by the sunshine.

Water & Sun.

Water and sun. They are so rejuvenating. If you’re ever feeling lost, or like the world is caving in, spend time in water near water, watching water the movement of it, the sound of it, even drinking water can be so necessary…

It’s so needed for the soul , spirit and preservation of our bodies. Perhaps that’s why we are surrounded by it on so many parts of the earth. Perhaps that’s why it has such a quality of drawing people near it, and we yearn for a sail upon it, or to swim in it. To take showers daily. To bathe.

Water is essential for living.

And even without sun, our days are dreary, and uneventful. Gloomy and discouraging, if you will. It’s not until the sun comes out we again, have vigor and satisfaction. When the sun comes out even on a cold wintry day, I am enlightened and I have hope. Sun is necessary for an essential vitamin we need to thrive . Vitamin D. Imagine that, a vitamin, made out of of the biggest lights in the sky. Someone thought of a your need – on a level you were not even fully aware of, with longevity .

This summer was so special to me. I spent a lot of time outdoors , and on the beach in quiet contemplation and in meditation with the elements of sun and water. Together, they taught me a lot. As I attempted to find answers to some things about life, it was near water where I learned to acquiesce. To let go of some thoughts and feelings I could not understand, even somethings I had trouble accepting about myself. I was able to release them. There was such a cleansing of my soul as I whispered thoughts and prayers to my Maker. Spend time in the elements of water & sun.

They were made for you .🌺

Lead. Tell The Story. Learn. Let Go.

Brene’ wrote that.

She is awesome because of how she uses her mouth. Her words.

Your life story leadership is your story. Yes and getting past the vulnerability of all, is the challenge.

Think about where you lead.

If you don’t lead, think about where you would like to.

Then, listen to someone else’s story and see how and why they lead.

The Reasons are embedded in the lessons learned; in the heartache…

And the joy found in letting it all go.

It will give you some insight.

how i harnessed myself through covid.

So when I decide to endure difficulty, I manage to “harness myself.” It’s a process.

And of course, I am not an easy person to manage. I once had someone tell me I was “high maintenance.”

I consider that a compliment. They just didn’t understand me. Looking back… I realize I was I literally a person of influence, and that “becoming” wasn’t my fault – they just didn’t understand how influence was made.

Influencers are complex. And it’s ok. I dont have to “become” like anyone else. I can be unique, and its ok.

Life in the wilderness….

If you look up one of the definitions of the word HARNESS in the dictionary – you will find these words:

Harness” – to bring under conditions for effective use; gain control over for a particular end: to harness water power; to harness the energy of the sun. Archaic.

 to array in armor or equipments of war.

So deep. “If I am preparing for a war…” I harness myself. I get all the right tools. Amazing.

I felt the grief of this war. It was saddening… painful. Yet freeing in many ways.

War… in fact means : “a state of armed conflict between different nations or states

or different groups within a nation or state.”

Fits perfectly.

I feel like this was what CoVid taught me to do: TO HARNESS myself.

Effectiveness is not taught always… sometimes its endured.

Other definitions are: to rein in, to “tackle, belt or fasten…” sounds Like a trip, right? )Haha)

Well… its interesting that when CoVid began I surely felt like I was on a journey. I knew if I didn’t arrest myself and begin to think about this as a journey, I might not make it through the journey. So… I put on my belt, and I endured.

Buckled up.

Prepared to be ‘sacked’.

Tackled some things.

Some I managed well.

Others… broke me totally apart.

Here are a few things I did for perspective:

I prayed hard.

I took the focus off myself.

I sat in complete quiet for an hour or more.

I napped a whole lot.

I talked to friends I loved.

I lamented with others who were hurting.

I prayed for “them”- whomever ‘them’ were…

I sat in the Sun.

Opened windows.

Went on snowy Walks.

Watched a lot of comedy.

Played with babies.

Prayed some more.

Talked to friends on the phone, & Zoom. {Zoom mostly}.

I cried.

Got lost in worship. {the most freeing…}

I went to random spots to eat, even while nervous.

I held a group on purpose.

I lamented to God and my husband, some more…

I spent time with old pictures.

I tried so hard to journal, …but it was hard.

I stayed up all night.. just writing and making new projects.

I prayed for everyone hurting from the death of George Floyd.

I prayed for George.

I cried some more.

I prayed for black men everywhere.

I prayed for the black men in my family.

I prayed for the 3 new baby boys in my family.

I prayed for their parents as they raised them.

I prayed for ways to find my voice amidst the pain.

I lamented to God.

I allowed myself to feel the hurt.

I thought deeply about hate… and how it kills.

I took care of my parents.

I focused on quality and not quantity.

I practiced gratefulness.

I took pictures with my camera.

I thanked God for the little things.

I changed my diet.

I thought a lot about my future.

I spent time working on projects.

I prayed for my enemies.

I trusted God and asked for a harnessing of my soul.

I am sure I did a whole lot more… but these things helped me quite a bit.

Selah.

Embracing & Seeking Insulation, Not isolation.

We all need to learn how to embrace a bit closer those we love. I’m just going to say this: Two people of meaning and great value to those I love , shockingly died this week.

I’m not even sure when you listen to my podcast below things will change for you in any way; however – Consider this:

There is a ‘seeking’ within, that is quite relative in this day and time. Seeking insulation preserves the soul.

In a day where “ suddenlies” happen frequently – we all need to consider the state of our soul. (Our mind, will and emotions. ) Knowing what we think, feel and believe about every aspect of life is critical to our well-being . Take a few seconds of every day to remain present to our lives, remain aware and being grateful.

I have never found such a need to be so ‘aware’. Awake. Pensive. Considerate of my life, of those around me, those I love, of where I fit in, and how I maintain my lot, as much as I am aware, today. Maybe it’s due to ‘Covid happenings’, maybe it’s a need for a connection with myself. Even the awareness of needing to communicate my love to loved ones matters , as well.

To Embrace means: :

1) a close encircling with the arms and pressure to the chest especially as a sign of affection : HUG 2: grip, encirclement /3: ACCEPTANCE.

Take some time to embrace. Take in your surroundings, spend time on your mama’s or friend’s porch, Practice acceptance in light of everything that is going on around you.

Everything matters.

It always did. Especially now that we realize a loved one can be here today, and gone tomorrow.

Read my podcast on “Seeking Insulation not Isolation”. – https://anchor.fm/iamjennrene/episodes/Seek-Insulation–Not-Isolation-ec68jr/a-a1qic2v

She Rocked This.

She rocked this. Christine Mason Miller, that is .

What makes someone want to do this? I think I am going to ask her and then come back with her answer. This is awesome.

Sending messages around the world that are significant thoughts and contemplate change.

Selah. *( Pause and calmly think of that.)

Here’s her answer: “Snail mail has been one of my super powers for a long time. And this tradition of sending out small messages to anyone who needed one started years ago.. I find it especially potent these days with most of our lives taking place on a screen.”

Seeking Normalcy in a Pandemic

The Blessedness Of Being.

I have been thinking about self -love and self-care and why others have such a hard time with it, sometimes . Lately, in the pandemic, I’ve been way too busy. I’ve been a caregiver for parents, I’ve been a mental health therapist, I’ve been a concerned friend. But I haven’t cared for me , like I should. I’ve placed others’ needs above my own and thought less of mine .

When the racial protests happened I felt bad I couldn’t walk with them, because I was trying to be safe from the Corona virus. I compared my suffering to that of others and thought about the consequences; feeling guilty I was not as involved as a activist for social justice issues like this. Yet then, I realized as long as I had a voice my voice would matter , my sharing and transparency mattered, and so did my attention on…

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