Yesterday I had a meaningful conversation with my Pastor, Pastor Mike, Pastor of Transformation Church, in Tulsa Oklahoma. Today’s post is just giving honor where honor is due.

Pastor Mike and I have attended the same church for several years; even before he became pastor . His ability to rally up youth and bring them together in worship of a God they couldn’t see, was tremendous. Most of all, he keeps you laughing. He uses humor to the glory of God, quite unabashedly.☺️

It was awesome to just reflect on years of his service and how his messages have helped shape and transform my life, and my husbands life. This year has been a challenging one , and I’m grateful for Mike & Natalie Todd and how they’ve helped sustain our faith .

My church communities have been literal shelters when I’ve been so far away from my own family of origin ( In New York- where I’m from); and just being able to know people who are in right relationship with God and love us as family has been an encouragement to our hearts and souls

Together, my husband and I have worshipped together on a praise team, led Celebrate Recovery we’ve taught in leadership classes on communication, visited those in mental health facilities, coached lay persons in the church in dynamic ways.

It’s been instrumental in our own faith and how we have grown ourselves .

Thankful for our pastor his wife and family. They are awesome pillars for our church family , and our faith .

Thankful for this journey, and this season. Thankful for a people who love their Lord with all their heart mind, soul and strength. ❤️

Yes…I love thinking and asking questions.

Perhaps asking questions have been my pathway to self- reflection and self- evaluation, personal growth and change.

Possibly a lot more so now that I am married to a man who loves the questioning – even more than me. (smile)

God values our minds. Engaging with HIm and bringing him into our decisions should be a regular practice of ours.
It makes a HUGE difference when when we bring God into our thought life.
I believe I am as successful as I am in life – it’s due to my conversations I have with God.
Listen in and see what Pastor Steph says about it. Listen Here: “When Jesus Meets You in Your Thought Life.”

Whenever I have a year that starts out pretty severe and intense; I take stock, ‘hold onto my hat’ and I say I’m gonna do my best to stay with the ride. This has been one of those years .

As I speak, the Arkansas River has poured into the backyard of the apartment where I live. I can say I actually panicked , yesterday . And I felt so bad about it . I mean , it puts everything in perspective when have to chose between : “should I grab my bicycle or my amazing photo books and photography, I own?”

Then I realized after a few sweeping moments, none of that matters… and I needed to take a breath , do what I can and what I can’t; just surrender to what I can. . I mean, I can walk away- when it gets too dangerous to stay where I live anymore.

I’ve never experienced a flood. I tried to make sense of it- and even spiritually try to see if I could equate spiritual metaphors that would silence some of my panic. I wasn’t lucky.

These were some of the pics we took out on the river yesterday .

Well the rain stopped, gratefully, but my mind hasn’t , and my contemplation. I have to remember what I’m grateful for, and just let God have this.

I was listening to an Oprah video today, and she said ( I’m paraphrasing) that surrender comes with us letting go of our problems . At the moment in which we release it, it becomes lessened in its intensity in our lives.

It isn’t well with my soul, but it shall be. And I’ll keep praying and focusing on good until that happens.

Peace,

Jennifer

So about a week ago I was sitting with a group of people and we were discussing a few challenges with conflict; and being and living emotionally safe .

I didn’t realize I that emotionally, I had been holding onto some stuff due to an illness I was having and it made me feel completely vulnerable and as a result, I didn’t trust well. Even myself , and my own thoughts.

I realized I had been having quite a bit of a lack of emotional safety and how I tended to think and reason was skewed. Ever felt that way? Like being ill made you feel even worse than you felt before you became sick?

You see, when I was a little girl I would be challenged around my thinking and sometimes influenced to doubt myself. I would be literally mocked for crying and feeling vulnerable or sad.

As an adult , I had unintentionally learned and operated in this mode of thinking and held on firmly to the belief that is i shared, the same would occur. This was my self – doubt. “No one takes me seriously, ” I would tell myself . And because I had this thinking; I wouldn’t take myself too seriously, either.

I became insecure emotionally ; and was often challenged with this thought so much it became a self -fulfilling prophecy.

It had become a personal infection, filled with self-condemnation. It was a thought that had me trapped in self-protection mode; and I was on the defense.

As I sat around the table with mentors, and came to this awareness about myself, I realized that I needed to be honest about this insecurity and then take back that untruth; and replace it with what was really true about me. What was true, was that an eight year old little girl had become very confused about feeling vulnerable; and today, this truth didn’t serve her.

There was no wisdom and no strength in being and feeling this way. It made her think she was weak and vulnerable and insignificant . Instead of being taken seriously ; when in truth, she was convincing herself that no one really believed in her from the start.

I had to remind myself that the truth was I felt emotionally unsafe and vulnerable because this was a “trigger” in my life that once felt unfamiliar , insensitive and unsteady. And it also reminded me that because I ” felt unprotected “, I therefore was unprotected because that’s what I believed.

Yet this was not true.

A week later , I was in the exact same position. I believed I was emotionally unsafe and therefore I was. I didn’t talk to myself any differently, and I didn’t do anything about it.

But then I began to self-evaluate. I had to ask myself:

Why was I feeling this way again?

What was coming up for me ?

Why was feeling insecure ?

I suddenly realized this pattern had been affecting me in several areas of my life and instead of dealing with the frustration of how I felt, I would emotionally hide myself ; lose my voice – and I would “bail ” and leave the situation that introduced the emotional conflict, before it got much worse.

I was “emotionally stuck.” And the same record kept playing. I didn’t know how to drop this negative behavior. My mentors around this table helped me realize I needed to tell myself this was an untruth when I felt this was or I’d keep reacting, vs. responding.

I was undone.

So… I began to then reason differently. There were tools that helped me release my emotions and think more clearly- like reading , writers no and dumping what was in my head , listening to thinking music, clearing out my head with untruths – and meditation and prayer, and a recognition that I was worthy of everything good and positive- around me and i was safe.

I was done unraveling; I would say a prayer of affirmation of release to release the negative; and stay with the truth; letting it resound as my filter.

When I used the tools, I provided myself a remedy. And as I sought remedy, I began to heal. With consistent acknowledgement and addressing the fact that (I was my own distraction ); and disrupting what could be a “good thinking process”; I began to release the inner conflict in my life. I began to reach for truths that invited inner resolve and peace. This involved some deep, intentional, introspection.

Slowly I became more aware of this challenge; and addressed the instability of emotional vulnerability. I began to serve myself truths; and let go of my emotional hurt patterns from when I was 8 years old.

I am free. I am still noticing this pattern comes up in not so strong moments -and it may take a few more missteps before I am fully aware.

Nonetheless, I am moving forward. Now I am self-correcting my ” stinking thinking.” Where I used to run away from conflict, now I challenge myself and run to it and take care of it.

Selah.

Yesterday these guys serenaded is in the park. It was quite pleasant to be around them and outside on a sunny, ( almost spring ) day.

I had not been feeling very well and this was delight and something to be quite grateful for. They say at the end of every day of you find something to be grateful for, you boost your sense of personal pride and thankfulness.

I would have to say I agree. Once, I spent time writing down three things to be grateful for over the course of six months. What could have been one of the most depressing times of my life then became a time to cherish due to the excitement I had of looking forward to new possibilities.

I encourage you to do the same. Maybe having a little thankfulness will allow you to see colors more clearly; smell the air a bit differently, and receive others more fully.

A certain expectancy of positive energy allows the door to be open for more joy, peace and satisfaction. Welcome it.

Be that positivity, today!

www.flickr.com/gp/silentwarrior2008/C328Aw

I haven’t quite figured out what this post is about yet, but I loved this picture and wanted to post it.

.. I’ll let you know.☺️

Where does the goodness come out of life? Is it in your friendships? Your health? Is your happiness found in your heart?

Is it with your family?

Is it with your career?

I searched for Happiness for a long time. I realized Happiness was not something both look for in relationships so much with others unless they help mentor and feed and nurture you and you can return that favor.

I’ve learned that goodness from life comes from self-care. Self care can be magical if you give it time and commitment. It often requires self- evaluation and self – examination. And it requires goal-setting and self- determination.

Take a look at my Kamau Meditative series on Motivation and let me know if anything your hear sparks joy for you.

If it does, like Marie Kondo says : Do it!

Spark Joy!

J.Owens (@jennselah) instapost:

I’ve often wondered :

Is Grace A Place?

These photos were taken looking out into the city of Tulsa Oklahoma one morning as I sat at work and contemplated my new career and future.

I thought to myself: Can a place where you live be graced with benefits for living and work for you personally, to the degree your lifestyle changes to suit you, you are able to feel happier, lighter and more fulfilled in your purpose?

I’d say yes.

I’ve been living in place I was not initially interested in living; but God graces me so much with a life I love living, the beauty of a small time feel, wonderful parks and nature, as well as a place that gifted me with a new career I never imagined I’d ever have.

I have worked in the field of social work for about 27 years. After some contemplation, I realized that I He time in that field was becoming a bit ‘comfortable’ for me. I realized with time I needed some new and fresh and even prayed for it. Sometime later, a chaplaincy program in Tulsa was offered to me, with a residency and full time stipend. It was a program I couldn’t resist. I said yes, and a new career began.

With this blessing, came more opportunity and a happier life. none of this began without a bit of self-evaluation, honesty and prayer. I suggest you consider the same question.

Be on the move, in your city. Take advantage of where you live and the purpose for why you’re there.

Be Active.

Do the Work.

Excel.

Live.

{Follow Me on @JennSelah}

Where I share places where grace shows up in life … sometimes unexpectedly.