Category: Dreaming

Once , when I was in South Africa, I was exhorting a class on their King & Queendom history and saying how proud I was to finally be on African soil, because I was now home. And I told them how I felt it was a privilege to meet them, and how much they were blessing my life to be present with them. A young lady spoke up in this class with while teaching & proudly informed me – quite “prophetically” and ingeniously that “We Are All Trees.” She was speaking to our strength and endurance as an African people and speaking very proudly of her heritage and inheritance. Every since this day occurred in May of 2003; I haven’t been the same.

I stand a little taller, I teach a little firmer, I smile a lot more, and I speak up for myself. I haven’t lost my voice. These four words have transformed my life. And perhaps it’s why I love trees so much .

One day while in the woods in Tulsa, Oklahoma- I merged two photos and this photo came to be. I believe spiritually, it was a reminder of my Strength, Resiliency. Depth, and Virtue . I’ll never be the same .

Ever need to just stop and think?

Get away from the hustle and bustle in life and reflect?

I do, quite often.

I had some epiphanies about my intuitive power this week, because I spent a lot of time alone.

I went on a business trip with my husband and was in a foreign city; a place I was unfamiliar with, but loved the space and experience it offered me.

People walked down the street, and I decided: Do I stay on this side of the street, or cross over? I felt vulnerable. I took Lyft, for the first time. It felt safe. But it was a first. As I experienced Lyft, my driver joked: Do I look like I’ll hurt someone? ( I thought to myself: “What does looking like you’ll hurt someone look like?“) And then I checked her license plate number. Yeah…she was old and about 85, but I still took precaution, cause I was in a new space, and this was my life.

I have significance .

I have worth.

Truly…It wasn’t about you.

Sometimes it’s not about them, it’s about us.

When you’re in a wide open space, ( i.e. feeling all alone, isolated, or a bit off track …) ; you don’t have to many familiar faces;… everything feels uncomfortable, and life presents different realities… and sometimes you have to breathe, relax , and just take it all in.

Think about what you really want…

Think about what you really need…

Then do that next right thing; make that extra effort, do one more thing in that positive direction to help catapult you reach the next intuitive state in life. Think higher… be better… demand more.

I felt this way, over the course of the past four days – on this trip where I needed to make good use of my time… And though vulnerable as hell, I took care of myself and I was safe. Self-doubt tried to creep in about some decisions I’d made in regard to safety; but then I thought: ” I’m worth making this safe step. Err on the side of safety, Jenn. Even if it does cost ya, a bit.”

My intuition spoke to me.

It spoke to my worth. My value.

Your intuition will speak to you.

Do you listen to it, or do you choose not to listen in those vulnerable spaces?

Do you block it our with rationalizations and self-judgements? Or other-judgement?

Or do you lean in, and evaluate those thoughts and…think again?

Your intuition is your spiritual self . And everyone has a soul, a body, and a spirit.

Do you linger there enough to listen?

You might just learn how wise you really are.

I have been thinking lately of what makes me happy.

I’ve decided not to settle for less than what genuinely makes me happy. Eating well, spending time with friends, traveling, talking to friends and catching up especially if I haven’t seen them in quite some time…

And laughing.

I decided laughing isn’t underrated. I just need to find stuff that makes me laugh more.

I was sitting in a room today at breakfast time , in public and the laughter of a little kid just reminded me that I don’t giggle enough . And also- how much I love the laughter of little ones.

Stopping and choosing to smile is a conscious decision, these days. I chose to smile with great intent when I joined my church, when i married my husband, when I found two special friends who made me smile… a lot. I chose to smile when I sat in this beautiful garden space this morning.

Choosing to set myself in places that make me feel happy, and comfortable and loved, are important. So I must commit to more. Join me as I think about what makes me happy, daily, weekly… if you haven’t asked yourself very intentionally – “what makes me smile?”

Then you need to begin.

But giggle a little too… be giddy.

It’s quite alright.☺️

Still writing about my changes and my transitions with my move to New York…

Sometimes I have to be patient with myself…and it requires yielding without protesting . There’s a word for it. It’s called acquiescing . I mean, that’s what you do when your soul fights ( that’s a strong word, yet an accurate word)… against your spirit. Today, in service, one of the pastors talked about how taking care of our spirit is easy. It’s our souls we wrestle with the most. So ttrue. I agree. That’s what I’m struggling with a bit ,right now.

I have several friends who transitioned with me, this year. New beginnings are sprouting all over. Friends having babies, taking on new assignments,( me included) and going back to school, … & sometimes I stare into a pensive world , just contemplating the magnitude of what I’m about to begin. I love working with mothers ; yet I’ve never had children of my own. It’s the weirdest thing … I do have children that were my husbands children first, and they are amazing. And though I don’t get to spend a lot of time with them; it’s s blessing when I do get to see them. One of our children is marrying this year , & it’s definitely an exciting time for them.

My experience with this transition has brought exciting new beginnings; yet several losses and transitions. And as I feel saddened in my heart and soul- I feel the time I’ve had to reflect, and spend time writing, and get my life in order has been so necessary . At first I complained about having to wait a month to start work. And then, I thought about the time I usually need to “settle in”. We need to search for apartments, prepare my mind and thoughts for what’s to come ; think about all the new beginnings and new job, and new people I’ll meet, and adjust to new temperatures and seasons.

So yes, even with the grieving of friends and a city I was very familiar with, in Tulsa, OK. I accept this new city in NY, the job and transition, and the new expectations of me that will merit a “new me.”

I’m the person that loves new things . New experiences, new life, starting from scratch, and making new friends . My purpose could never be clearer. Yet it’s kind of scary, when it’s new. I have to remind myself the vulnerable state I’m in is a good thing. It’s not negative in any way; I just need to remember that so have a hope and a future and I need this transition to “make me.”

A friend mentioned to me recently : “Well it must feel good to know your assignment in Tulsa is over.” I laughed, because she would think of it that way. And inasmuch as I agree that the assignment was over; my reservation about future occupation being so unknown scared me to death. I’ve been journaling this time in my life to make sense of the changes. The blessings are unimaginable . I mean I get to see my parents every day, be around family and watch grand nieces & nephews grow up , and I get to pursue my dreams in the city where I was born and give back to the community. Nothing like giving back to where you came from. And it feels surreal, because it’s also at the hospital – my job is located – where I was born . Same hospital . Almost 52 years ago. As I think about all the mothers and children I’m about to help, I can’t help but wonder if this is my destiny . I think about where my mother was back in October of 1967, when she had me, and how stable her life was and whether she needed the type of program I’m about to work in and be a part of – helping stabilize women with mental health needs. I can see Full Circle happening , I define this moment as the time when you return to a former state that you were in before; yet all things become new again , in you.

Is it a do-over? Are you doing something over because it was done wrong before? Or are you returning to the old to do new works?

I choose to believe the latter.

So interesting how right before I left Tulsa, I spoke to a small group of women about going Full Circle; “ the one thing you must remember is you’ll never know how fulfilling that moment can be, unless you take the leap.”, ( I passionately said to them) . And yet, I myself was embracing the concept , in that moment. I didn’t know I was speaking to myself.

Oh well…😚 I guess it’s that time.

Selah.

Today I caught a plane. I remember when I used to be so excited to get in planes and travel . I almost even took a job once that allowed me to travel, the time just wasn’t right.

I had just gotten married and I was not willing to take the risk of losing my independence or identity when we were supposed to be gaining it.

So I turned it down.

I thought I had lost a really great opportunity, yet i made the sacrifice. I’ll never forget that that sacrifice was so worth it. I was able to really build upon my relationship with my husband, sing in a choir with him as his partner and host several meetings at our home with people we’d forever cherish relationships with .

It was an exciting time. I was living in Texas, and really loving the environment . I was also very happy to be with my best friend and living only a few apartments away from him.

I grew so much that year . And my experiences actually taught me a lot. Moving so far away from the East coast and being away and in my own was a new venture and I was happy to explore a little. I’m not sure the job would have allowed me to do that.

So I’m grateful .

Lesson learned: Appreciate the places where your planted. Trust that the journey is about the places where you are planted and accept that even if it’s not a place you chose; there purpose there, there’s opportunity there, and there’s something for you to do.