I’m finding my Voice all over again…
Corona May have stole it for a minute, but it’s coming back again… yes it tis’….
Check the link and listen.
Listen to my podcast!💜🌺
I’m finding my Voice all over again…
Corona May have stole it for a minute, but it’s coming back again… yes it tis’….
Check the link and listen.
Listen to my podcast!💜🌺
I’m reading a devotional , and in the devotional it speaks about giving from a deficient place. And I that deficient place, it says more shall be provided than you’ll know. Interesting that ‘lack’ can have an almost amazing fulfillment.
It makes me think about how my esteem used to be really low. But then, I’d go to school with my mom who was a teacher.
And I was famous for a day.🌺
It’s So odd how true truth rests in how we perceive and how we are received. Receiving unexpectedly, like being in the right place at the right time, makes you feel valued. As a spiritual principle, being valued can exceed your imagination .
It gives you strength, affirmation , acceptance, worth. Wholeness …smiles, warmth.
And most of all, LOVE.🌺
When I was younger, my moms would take me places . She’d give me all these new experiences . I’d go to the beach, I’d travel to the library, I’d take days off to go on fields trips with her school, and her school children. She was not just my own Teacher. She was THEIR teacher . And some of the kids would just STARE at me. Like wishing they could go home with her too.’ Like … ‘what made HER so special that she hung out with my teacher?’
I learned from my Momma the power of making people feel special. It made you famous . Well.. sorta. Lots of people like you when you make them feel worthwhile. And make them smile.
Not that life is all about that, but… YOU feel good too when you make them smile inside . For this reason, I thought I wanted to be a teacher, too.
Then I changed my mind once I was in a room with a bunch of kids. Couldn’t handle it.
Decided I’d spend maybe a few hours with them, yet still be their teacher . How could i do that?
Oh! ( Be a school social worker!)
And that was my longest job.
I learned so much about kids and how to water them and make them grow. I learned a lot about myself, too. And what I needed to grow.
Value yourself , today🌺.
You deserve it.
And don’t settle for anything less.
Quite longingly… they would look…as if I were special. So i began to believe I was. 🌺 And they’d desire to play with me and be my friend, and sit right next to me. They knew I wasn’t a student in their class. And they knew I was a pretty special girl, if I’d come to their class, and belonged to Mrs Cox.
I always wondered why it felt so special to be there .To experience the class as an outsider. As I think about that special feeling; I now know what they saw. Value.💜
Read more about Value, here on my podcast, ShineBaby Shine!🌺
For me to see from a deficient space.
To see opposite of what everyone else saw. To see from a deficient space, and give from that special place.
Today, I spent time in my mind. Making a creative space. A room to where I could go and create.
That my dream.
Have you ever had a vision for something, and created a lace your min made it comfy with all you could ever place in that space, then just spent time there, creating?
Well I had it in reality before I came to Rochester. Now, I return in my mind because it helps me to relax, and envision.
Keeps my creative juices flowing.
This picture above was taken in Bend, Oregon. I’ve never been there. Just asked my husband to send a picture from there, while he visited on business. (I may not have captured this vision had he not sent it .) But I’m glad I have it. It helped me envision.
My room I created is creatively mauve, soft, warm, inviting, sunny & bright. With floor to ceiling windows. And it smells like lemon. That’s my place . Kindness dwells there.
It’s Refreshing. Open. Free.
I’m not sure what your room looks like, but envision it, and leave every worry, hurt, disgruntlement and grudge behind . It’s your room.
No one else’s.
Create your space.
You’re the Painter… 🧑🏽🎨
I get excited about going to cafes. This pic was one of my favorites in Tulsa, Okla. (It has since shut down.)
I used to go and sit and write for hours. Drink tea, stare out windows.(As introverts do)…and be pensive. I recall how hard it was being away from home, and my family.
Yet local cafe’s were my solace time.
And across the street is a beautiful park. Right in the middle of downtown . With a beautiful pond & waterfalls .
I have good memories here. Above is a pic of me on that park, enjoying the sun.
Tulsa was a pretty awesome city. I complained initially about moving there, but it grew on me. And the cafes and the friends helped immensely .
Once, my girlfriend had a birthday party here, and we all ended up singing and having a great time.
Tulsa taught me to Receive.
And to yield. To allow things to grow. And to learn how to be content. Receiving isn’t easy, if you can find things wrong. Sometimes it means just learning to be grateful.
And that’s a process, too.
Take the beginning or ending of your day, offer it up as meditative time, think of three things you’re grateful for, release them into the atmosphere, & say thankful. Do this for approximately six months, & watch your ‘life rhythm ‘ shift.
You will be amazed at your level of contentment. And how happiness flows.
Healing is like the tides in the ocean … we have to trust it’s rhythm as life leads us to the shores.
I guess I’m back to journaling .. and sharing my heart with you all here…☺️
It’s really a wonderful season I’m in, so I wanted to share here some of those blessings and the mindset God gives me as I make shifts and transitions .
Ever felt like you had to go back to the place you were from to heal some of the things in life that you never really addressed fully? I think that’s why I’m back home after almost 27 years of being away.
Although a bit daunting, it also been a breather .. a releasing of sorts… an enlivened moment of peace, joy and security as I find my niche in anew city and try to reclaim my roots and my personhood.
‘Settled’ was one of my words for 2020, as I entered a new year, and the word “Rooted” showed up as I sought out the word. I am planning on being Rooted.. Or expecting on being rooted, I should say.. looking for roots and foundation in a way I never have… asking .. seeking.. finding… they are all good as the revelations flow and this discovery finds ME.
It’s going on my seventh month as a New Yorker again, and I’m quite delighted to be in a place of “Sincere Growth.” I’ve been planted in a great church that is concerned about my growth spiritually, and my purpose. It feels good. I love the smallness of it, and the people seem focused and ready to do exploits in God.
The pastor who spoke today spoke on getting ‘ planted ‘ and being with your tribe . I remember when I was in South Africa; although I didn’t know the people, it get so good to fool them for three mins of even, as I responded the South African language : when they said: Dumela Akai?“ (“How are you”? ) & if said firmly and loudly in response: “Kite!” ( pr.Keetay” ) -which means (Fine!)☺️💜It was as I was South African, they thought I was one of them. It was wonderful. And they were so kind to welcome me home.
‘Welcome home’ is such a blessing, they offer, when they welcome you back to the Motherland it does feel like home. Unexplainably, a place that’s foreign , could feel so familiar… And boy…was I welcomed! from the food to the parties, to the youth rallies, to eating the food, walking through flea markets, enjoying church services, having youth run up to me and hug me, and even in visiting foster homes as a social worker & speaking to youth about their dreams in schools.
As I contemplate on this journey, I also feel welcomed by God in N.Y. I feel His presence as being affirming, Loving, kind, as as I feel a shift in the familiarity, I feel “Welcomed.” By Him. He loves me.
And in this welcomed space is Healing. I’m just expecting it to be a part of the territory. I am.
Don’t be surprised what I share later this year as I become.
Watch out Rochester! I got something for ya!☺️👍🏾💜
“Where was grace found in your past when you stepped out on faith? “she asked.
“It was a sort of Surrender, she said. “
“This is a word you should seek again and return to that helped manifest your dreams.” I was speaking to a mentor who helped direct me at a special time in life.
So I was still this morning.
And I listened to the little small, still voice in my heart . And kept whispering… “ Surrender”.
And the word came back to me in Silence:
And then a little while later…
All these words spoke to me and I allowed me not to take for granted any steps going forward to make them as intentional as possible, and to ‘not hold back. ‘
And I struggled here.
I thought about all the places consistency had failed me: I’d struggled with hope.. and treasures seem illusive.. and I was discouraged for one moment.
Then, I realized I did t need to produce anything, or make it happen. I just had to Surrender.
It’s a discipline, you know .
I must continually remind myself .
So… Have you ever encouraged people to the point you are more so encouraging yourself?
I happened to me, this week… yes it did. It seems like I’ve been giving everyone this word all week… and then.. it appears! Be Still.
But maybe God has been really speaking to me. I had a vision or a dream the other morning. It was about My Grandmother , Mae. She was in my spirit this morning. Her resoluteness. Her certain magic. I saw an image in my mind of how she used to stand over her kitchen , & just look out and stare straight ahead… or look at her children and grandchildren while standing resolute at that counter… the only one still… the only one… quiet…
So it’s been a wonderful month, and over at the Mentor my Sister Blog, I’m celebrating a new identity . One thing I want to say though, it’s that
Here are a few incidents that happened during a grace -filled year for me and gave me a totally invigorating sense of newfound identity (it takes a while to establish that!!)
“Grace will take you places hustling cannot.”
I’m grateful to have started 2020 on a new and gracious time in my life. Here’s what I know:
1. Grace come disguised as Failure.
I took an exam, I flunked it- I find three part-time jobs and I maintained an income for a few months then, my money began to run out. ( Long story!) Finding myself one a new city, was scary and illusive. As I thought about returning to NY, I met my divine mate. In fact I’d been praying for him, for several months. I told God everything I wanted in a man and told him if he gave me that, I’d forever serve Him. (But to be honest, I wasn’t really expecting him.)
I am not the same I was when I lived in New York in 2005. Almost 20 years ago! Back then , I was getting divorced , I was hurting from another relationship that basically stripped away my dignity, and trying to remain friends with the guy who literally broke my heart and I thought my new future would begin with! (I realized I didn’t have to be kind , and I could forgive from a distance . I finally let that dysfunction go, thank God!!)
I was naive. I didn’t listen to my intuition , and I found myself feeling lost. As I left New York, I didn’t look back. I was ready for a new experience with friends and sisters who lived in Maryland, and they supported me through one of the toughest times of my life . Maryland grew me up. Though it was one of the toughest times, it proved my strength. I started a prayer group, decided to give my all to God, had awesome girlfriends, and a social network, but my career was not taking off, and my identity was taking a huge blow! Near mid October 2005; I had felt rewarded. I literally met a young man I Considered a friend- and I never expected to meet- and he wanted to know all about me- asking me in the same breath “What it would take to move me to Texas??” I responded by saying: “ a good job, and hey ,…maybe getting married…” ( What was I saying!?? I’d just gotten divorced!!)
2. Grace Comes As Risks of Faith.
He gets on the plane, with that being his very last question, before I see him again 1 month later, after he sends me a ticket to come and spend Thanksgiving on Texas. And since I didn’t have the money, I did!🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ Texas was warm, in November , enlightening, bright and sunny – and I was re-awakened!! While there it was calling me! I looked into apts. and found out I could live in a nice apt with cable, and a gym membership for less than $600 bucks! I decided no matter what, I’d move to Texas FOR MYSELF- and of this relationship didn’t work out, at least I’d have a good job.. .if I found one… so I set out to find a good job!
Well that happened within before I got there; but after two months it folded . (Within weeks another job I’d interviewed on the phone in NY had called to see if I’d arrived!) ‘And I was SHOCKED! So with loads of prayer and a cautious mindset – I heard a still small voice say say: say: “Go and get your job!”
3. Leaping With God May Save Your Life.
It may seem odd , but I was literally leaping this entire year and it felt like the leaps were taking me far, so I jumped some more! I got a great job paying more than I’d ever made, I moved to my own place, cause I was trying to depend on no one… and my best friend ( who eventually became my husband), became my neighbor, confidant and spiritual partner, all within one year.
I finally realized I had met the love of my life and got married in March, of 2007 , and we set off that same year to building our dream house. I was in heaven.
I learned three lessons about life and myself:
My Lessons Of Grace in 2005:
A. When you give God your all, put your heart on the altar and let Him love you and love you forward into purpose, abandoning all… He understands you, trust Him. Surrender. And His every desire- even after the pain and heartache, is to meet you, and meet you well.
When you leap for God He leaps for you! Just make sure you hear from him, and you can measure up your thoughts and run those curious notions by someone who is just as strong in the Lord.
B. I learned that life is too short to be afraid.
The time to have courage and start all over is when you need to shift and someone is graciously saying “over here, come live on this side of the world.” Trust God and be in expectation. I’d had enough bad luck that year, and I didn’t want any more . So I quit all my jobs AFTER I got a dream job, and skipped town.
C. I learned that I was stronger than I thought. That I’m my best, when I believe it. And if all I have is belief, that’s enough to trust . And that was my motivation.
Looking back tat this I realized my faith was on overdrive. If I had not gotten hurt, my desires to move to a new state after my divorce would not have happened, I would not have found a blessed girlfriend community to catch me, and lead me; and I would not have taken an even greater risk on friendship and love, had this new move had not worked out. Had several of these disappointments had not happened,…I may not be were I am today: Happy.
I’ve made a career out of lots of jobs I wasn’t even sure I wanted, but they sure helped me decide what I ultimately needed, and wanted to do… and most of all, I found out my best friend ever – was ultimately meant to be my husband . The one person I entrusted my heart to after all this pain and heartache God had given to me as a gift, forever .
Identity & Worth . It’s a subject my sisters are discussing at Mentor My Sister. My platform online, that strives for authentic women and authentic connection.
Identity-what gives me identity
My Family has given me identity. Now that i live closer to them, I have more opportunity to be influenced by them. You see, whether I cherish them or not. It’s up to me to decide if I’ll carry out a legacy of good or evil.I always say, if there’s good, make it better . And if it’s not good, make it exceptional.
My Spouse is one who influences my identity . How we make decisions together, dream together… LIVE together makes a difference and influences my identity .l and my children’s identity as well.
Friendships influence my identity . Whether I choose mentors, leaders, friends who live models lives or just have the challenge of daily survival, I can learn from them. I make space for mentors and people to influence me. I need leaders to pour into my life, so I find out where they are, and I serve, or join them in their discussions, or create them.
Mentorship . Being mentored and mentoring others has brought great value in my life . I really enjoy having conversations about life with other leaders, friends and women who desire authentic relationships.
Here are a few mentors in my life
Here are three places I’ve learned from other in my life :
1. Trees .
I was in South Africa in May, of 2003 and i was teaching in a classroom about dreams. A teenager said to me: /“We Are All Like Trees.” I resounded after that encounter , because I realized I’ve always loved trees. The strength , growth and resiliency tees represent inspire me. I have never seen trees the same , since.
2. My African Heritage Family.
I found identity in my African Heritage family. There’s a woman I know named Joyce Shabazz. She created a forum of people and a platform about people regaining their culture and heritage and finding value in what they see and experience, again.
I attended for five, maybe six years a platform that help me transcend racism, my thoughts about my identities as wife, female, being oppressed, internalized oppression, my inadequacies about being African American, and I re-claimed myself.
The process and journey has been amazing. I’ve gained new international friends and I’ve learned new experiences I’ve gleaned and kept treasures forever sealed in my heart. I’ve come up a lot, and now I mentor others on perspective.
3. My Worth –
Where have I found worth and value?
What foundations have I established my worthiness upon?
For years I pondered this. Growing up in an alcoholic family, My vision of myself and who I was was altered. It wasn’t my truth. It was an attempt to destroy my truth . I once was a girl of low self – esteem, insecurity and felt very inadequate . However I no longer espouse those characteristics .
And today, I have evolved. I was determined to change the depiction of what my worth and value set as a template from birth to 20 years of age. Once I gained a determination of the will and had mentors in me that saw in me the greater good, and encouraged it- I realized I could truly be my best self. I reached for opportunities to be better: attended a historically black college , Howard University, experiences ethnicity in a new way, was determined to learn about my heritage, visited South Africa, ignored and distances myself from hate, and envy and people who represented this at all costs… and read books galore on the subject of identity , esteem and intrinsic value. And maybe my trips back and forth down the road to African Heritage, or a constant re-evaluation of my life purpose ; or maybe my trip to Africa all influenced me in major ways.
Or maybe it was the fact I didn’t allow Opportunity to pass me by.
Perhaps I reached for it with eager anticipation, and it became my friend. My mentor . My tutor.
Yes, Opportunity became my Teacher.