Full Circle Moment.

Still writing about my changes and my transitions with my move to New York…

Sometimes I have to be patient with myself…and it requires yielding without protesting . There’s a word for it. It’s called acquiescing . I mean, that’s what you do when your soul fights ( that’s a strong word, yet an accurate word)… against your spirit. Today, in service, one of the pastors talked about how taking care of our spirit is easy. It’s our souls we wrestle with the most. So ttrue. I agree. That’s what I’m struggling with a bit ,right now.

I have several friends who transitioned with me, this year. New beginnings are sprouting all over. Friends having babies, taking on new assignments,( me included) and going back to school, … & sometimes I stare into a pensive world , just contemplating the magnitude of what I’m about to begin. I love working with mothers ; yet I’ve never had children of my own. It’s the weirdest thing … I do have children that were my husbands children first, and they are amazing. And though I don’t get to spend a lot of time with them; it’s s blessing when I do get to see them. One of our children is marrying this year , & it’s definitely an exciting time for them.

My experience with this transition has brought exciting new beginnings; yet several losses and transitions. And as I feel saddened in my heart and soul- I feel the time I’ve had to reflect, and spend time writing, and get my life in order has been so necessary . At first I complained about having to wait a month to start work. And then, I thought about the time I usually need to “settle in”. We need to search for apartments, prepare my mind and thoughts for what’s to come ; think about all the new beginnings and new job, and new people I’ll meet, and adjust to new temperatures and seasons.

Night life in Tulsa, OK.

So yes, even with the grieving of friends and a city I was very familiar with, in Tulsa, OK. I accept this new city in NY, the job and transition, and the new expectations of me that will merit a “new me.”

I’m the person that loves new things . New experiences, new life, starting from scratch, and making new friends . My purpose could never be clearer. Yet it’s kind of scary, when it’s new. I have to remind myself the vulnerable state I’m in is a good thing. It’s not negative in any way; I just need to remember that so have a hope and a future and I need this transition to “make me.”

A friend mentioned to me recently : “Well it must feel good to know your assignment in Tulsa is over.” I laughed, because she would think of it that way. And inasmuch as I agree that the assignment was over; my reservation about future occupation being so unknown scared me to death. I’ve been journaling this time in my life to make sense of the changes. The blessings are unimaginable . I mean I get to see my parents every day, be around family and watch grand nieces & nephews grow up , and I get to pursue my dreams in the city where I was born and give back to the community. Nothing like giving back to where you came from. And it feels surreal, because it’s also at the hospital – my job is located – where I was born . Same hospital . Almost 52 years ago. As I think about all the mothers and children I’m about to help, I can’t help but wonder if this is my destiny . I think about where my mother was back in October of 1967, when she had me, and how stable her life was and whether she needed the type of program I’m about to work in and be a part of – helping stabilize women with mental health needs. I can see Full Circle happening , I define this moment as the time when you return to a former state that you were in before; yet all things become new again , in you.

Is it a do-over? Are you doing something over because it was done wrong before? Or are you returning to the old to do new works?

I choose to believe the latter.

So interesting how right before I left Tulsa, I spoke to a small group of women about going Full Circle; “ the one thing you must remember is you’ll never know how fulfilling that moment can be, unless you take the leap.”, ( I passionately said to them) . And yet, I myself was embracing the concept , in that moment. I didn’t know I was speaking to myself.

Oh well…😚 I guess it’s that time.

Selah.

Surrender.

Today, I laid on my Mama’s & Daddy’s living room floor in full surrender and almost fell asleep. My soul felt good lying there, just thinking about the new life I was now creating. It’s only been a few days.

Sometimes some of the most beautiful sights and experiences can happen in some of the most vulnerable places.

I’m still writing about my move, because it’s such a humongous loss. It’s gain, because I’m entering into a new , wonderful place to live, but it’s also been a challenging move.

I not only miss my friends, I miss an awesome church family, and I miss my life there. I left a fairly good job that I loved; working with women who were close to my heart for the potential they had in their futures.

I felt on purpose.

And then… without much warning.. maybe two months of it, it’s all gone.

Or is it?

I’m not certain it’s all gone, but it’s definitely shifted.

Into a new place in my life. Placed on a shelf like a badge of honor and blessings overflow.

But you know, you cannot then your back on good things, unless you know there more out there for you .

And so I surrender…

I acquiesce .

And I make a conscious choice to go forward; leaving everything familiar behind. And I choose life.An entirely new life, because I can. And , because my life leans forward for new things, blessed things, a calling that is sure, destined and meant to be.

It’s not scary, it’s just unknown . And where some choose to stay comfy – and take no leaps because ‘a leaping life‘ could absolutely different than before , I chose this new life because I’m sort of addicted to adventure.

And adventure in this life, could look like surrender, in the next. And that’s quite fine. It’s so alright.

As I sat on the floor in full surrender; my siblings asked if I wanted a chair, and I said ‘No.’

No chairs. Full surrender . No extra supports.

I realized talking to family recently, why my move from Tulsa, OK to N.Y. was so challenging for me. I’ve developed a sense of family & community there that consists of friends and very special connections . And my, … I had no idea it had grown so full of sentiment for me. Perhaps it isn’t until you leave a people you love, you realize just how special they’ve been.

It’s a good thing… surrender. And so I’m learning in my surrender, to also soar.

Clarity.

On the beach in 2019

Clarity.

It’s not easy to achieve. I mean should we even make it a goal? When 2019 happened, I initially didn’t desire clarity. I asked for something else. In fact, that word is a slight misnomer now, because Clarity assumed its position and took a hold of my destiny like none other .

“For sure, you’re wrong”, I said. “It’s not time yet, “ I mentioned as I wrestled with the change and let go of several valuables and said goodbye to friends in the state I couldn’t believe I was moving to nine years ago..

Sometimes Clarity happens so unexpectedly. We ask for it, then we’re really not ready when it comes because it capsizes our entire world.

Or at least it did. mine.

It was my one word for the year, you see. I didn’t intend for it to bring all love and light to pass. To highlight the love of family and allow me to make sacrifices that involved severe change. To move me out of my comfort zone and say: “ Welcome to this New Evolving Space!” Yeah, rhat was Clarity . But she’s become the friend I didn’t realize I had.

When I asked the Universe to give me clarity, God opened the heavens and said: “Take a risk.

And at first, I said “No.” I thought I wasn’t ready, so Resistance spread her wings and tried to escape. But Clarity brought her silence and reminded me how “life really isn’t all about Lil o’ me.” Sometimes the people we love and the lives we love take precedence, as so it was.

Clarity revisited . 2019

So this year, Clarity – my one word – was sort of disruptive of my peace; yet freeing…surrendering, cautious, yet unconditional , loving and necessary, enlightening and freeing. Yeah… Freeing.

Yeah, but it has yielded great results , already. The lesson leavened was to let go of the things we hold unto so tightly because they could free us, almost unexpectedly, if only we were ready for change .

Clarity . (title) On Lake Ontario, N.Y.. in 2017

Wow!

New beginnings happen every day. Sometimes they happen by choice. Oftentimes, they happen of our own volition and personal priorities. I was thinking today about how I got here to where I am , today. For some reason, my spiritual life led me back to my hometown. Now I have to determine if I desire to settle here in Rochester, NY for a while and just live the life, or determine if I desire to live elsewhere one day.

You see, I have grown to love nice weather. Mostly because I love nature. And Oklahoma did that to me. I never went outside much, in Texas – when I lived there , but Oklahoma… I loved. I loved near a river walk, and bike riding and spending time with friends walking in the woods and sitting in the sun was awesome.

So I have a lot to think about. & I think I’ll let the Lord of the Universe in on my plans because He knows how to make them come true.

I’ll check back in on this dream and let you know how I’m doing in a few months.

In the meantime, think about how you can start a new beginning, very intentionally.

What will it take?

For me it took a lot of courage, emotional control and prayer. Self care was on overdrive, as well. I had to focus a lot, and pull away from others . And be still.

This is my second move across country ; and downsizing was NOT easy. But I managed. It hurt to get rid of so much. But I’m excited about beginning again.

Peace,

Jenn

My Friends Are One of A Kind..

One of a kind.

Friends are few and far between, & are hard to find. Above my friend Meg, and she’s pregnant and ready to deliver her child! (We just celebrated her little one is coming really soon!)

It’s been real living in Tulsa Ok. We are headed to Rochester , N.Y. after nine years of living in Tulsa and I’m thankful for friends .

When I first moved to Tulsa, It took about two good years to find friends . I thought it was the longest time, but grateful when I did. It seemed that friends were found most easy, in having gatherings and so that’s what I did.

I went to Meet Up Dot Com to start a book writing club and it turned out great. We had attendees from all over the area and it felt good to have peeps come from near and far and it felt authentic, friendly and at home.

That’s what Tulsa has felt like to me: My Second Home.

I then decided to have a rather group called Shine- Sisters Helping Inspire Nurture & Excel. This group lasted for over a year. We only disbanded because our schedules shifted in a big way and I began to transition to leave town.

I’ve sincerely met some good friends and I’m thankful . My friends in tulsa have loved on me in a big way and it’s been awesome to share my lives with them. It’s felt mighty good to know them!

We’ve gone to conferences together, wrote books together gathered to pray , or just to have a snack in an empty house and focus on the Lord. We’ve laughed and went away on retreats together near beautiful lakes, went on walks in the woods; met up at writers conferences ; and everything else that friends do to have fun. We also loved on each other during challenging times. Nothing like having a friend support you when you’ve written an entire program and are due to launch it and can’t find it at all on the computer ! (Oh no!)

Or like the time you get a new job ( again ), and you’re going through a mid- life crisis and decide to make changes with them all, and need to begin a new career!

Or you’re having that baby for the first time and need that mental, spiritual and emotional support that friends give!

Yeah… we were a family of friends and it was great. Who would’ve known it would begin so challenging and then I end up leaving SO blessed!

As I leave Tulsa, I would say my birthday in Pawhuska was the best! Spending time in nature and a bed and breakfast, and eating out and shopping in a small town was better than I thought !

My walk at midnight in the woods with Kristi B. was AWESOME!! Nature never felt so good! I can truly say that the love of the people in Tulsa was genuine and felt like home!

(My home away from home!)☺️👋🏾

So… one might imagine …

Leaving Tulsa… is like a fine memory of Iove, laughter and life.. I spent most of my forties here.. it’s where I ‘really’ grew up. Where I matured. I don’t think you really know you loved some places until you have to leave them. Loved the people, loved the work, & I loved the learning … So So much Learning! I made a lot of mistakes; but man, did I learn from them. Some of my greatest lessons of love❤️ have been spun in the web of conflict resolution and difficulty . Yet I’m grateful.
Thanks loved ones!

Gonna miss ya!

Taking Flight.

Today I caught a plane. I remember when I used to be so excited to get in planes and travel . I almost even took a job once that allowed me to travel, the time just wasn’t right.

I had just gotten married and I was not willing to take the risk of losing my independence or identity when we were supposed to be gaining it.

So I turned it down.

I thought I had lost a really great opportunity, yet i made the sacrifice. I’ll never forget that that sacrifice was so worth it. I was able to really build upon my relationship with my husband, sing in a choir with him as his partner and host several meetings at our home with people we’d forever cherish relationships with .

It was an exciting time. I was living in Texas, and really loving the environment . I was also very happy to be with my best friend and living only a few apartments away from him.

I grew so much that year . And my experiences actually taught me a lot. Moving so far away from the East coast and being away and in my own was a new venture and I was happy to explore a little. I’m not sure the job would have allowed me to do that.

So I’m grateful .

Lesson learned: Appreciate the places where your planted. Trust that the journey is about the places where you are planted and accept that even if it’s not a place you chose; there purpose there, there’s opportunity there, and there’s something for you to do.

Flying above the skies…