5. Missing babies… My #50daystofifty series…

So one of the blessings of being almost 50 is I get to enjoy all the babies without bringing them all home. I guess Auntie’s are good for that, huh?

Awesome, right?

I have never had the pleasure of having children born from my own womb, so I just borrow other’s babies..but indeed, like the Bible says: “Children are a heritage of the Lord.” If God Himself sees them as a treasure and investment, ¬†then we should as ¬†well. Nothing is more beautiful than having a beautiful little one to hold and be silly with in your older years.

I remember when I was little, the people I recall as being most kind and patient with me as a child, is those who were older and had nice, warm smiles and cuddled you close with lots of warmth.

I am very proud to say, now, that’s me.

Yes…now I’m that warm welcoming smile and cuddle my niecy-poo remembers as I wrap her in my swaddling arms and smile with lots of hugs and kisses just for her, and him.

Yes, she remembers that.

And often times I am so surprised she does since she doesn’t see me everyday. Ten I think back to being small and who did that for me. I used to want to be just like my Aunt Dawn and my Aunt Mamie when it came to welcoming my babies, because that’s what they did for me: made me feel I was the ‘most special one’.

So fifty is a special place, just for this reason.


Spending Time At Home – As Friends.

When I was little, I used to spend time making friends. I cared so much about people. When my sister’s and brothers boyfriends and girlfriends cam over I’d hang, too.

When in elementary school, the people others didn’t like, I would befriend them. They could see too, that I liked them. I never had a reason for people to not really like me. I made friends wherever I could. Recently, I met one friend again this week, who was a friend for a while but then was the only fight I had in my lifetime.

I walked up to her and hugged her, and lo’ and behold …days later, I realized it was her! ( She said she didn’t recall me, but I beg to differ.)¬†

So…spending time at home has been enlightening and yet a blessing. I had a detour before coming home to Rochester, New York.ÔŅľ I had a chance to spend time with friends I had not seen in quite some time, in Syracuse, New York . It was so relaxing to experience their company once again.

I have so many memories from living in Syracuse for 13 years, and then in Rochester, most of my life. Approximately 24 years. I really didn’t come back after college. I didn’t want to. I am still such an adventurist. I have friends all over: New York Maryland Texas Oklahoma…and every experience with them has been intriguing. ¬†Family has been friends, and friends have been my family.

I love this new definition of family, because I sincerely believe that’s how God intended it. I believe none of us were ever meant to live alone.isolated or to be without resource, and friendships help us to find that refuge.

Kendall & Jenn

I have found friendships that give back, are the true friendships. When your girl contacts you, when you least expect it to say hello. When she calls and tells you she loves you for no reason at all.ūüĆľ When she says -” let’s stay in touch, at the drop of a dime, even when your plane is stuck in Syracuse, and you didn’t quite intend for that to happen, but she doesn’t care .ūüė䬆She’s willing to let you crash there.

My friends have become family.

And I thank God our wounds have been what bonded us together. Beth Moore recently shared this: “You¬†can’t have the wonders with out the wounds and the wounds without the wonders!” Yet I say the wounds brings true friends and shows the beauty of what you truly have in those friendships. So today, I thank God for those ‘bumpy roads’. ¬†They have proven to be durable memorials in terms of bonding with my bonds with my close buddies.‚̧

Alane & Jenn


Day 4. Weathered. #50daysToFifty

‚ÄúThe most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.‚ÄĚ
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross



I looked up¬† the word¬† ” Weathered “ in sheer anticipation, hoping I could find some¬† jewel of a word¬† that described this¬† journey towards¬† fifty.¬† To tell t he truth, I didn’t f find¬† anything¬†¬† amazingly¬†¬† intriguing… but then,¬† some may beg to differ.

I was¬†¬†¬† encouraged by this word: ”¬†¬† countenance”.¬† Surprised?

Maybe.¬† I¬† thought¬† what¬† do I mean when I¬† say¬†¬†¬† a¬† weathered¬† ability about myself¬† exists¬† just¬† from becoming and¬† taking part in this ¬†thing called life?¬† I suppose it would have something to do with my¬†¬† ability to “be” –¬† come.

Your  countenance has everything to  do with you attitude,  your  bearings  and how you  wrap yourself around  a  situation or  thought life;   it has to  do with your character   your  condition, and your  demeanor.

I tell you… I am¬† not¬† pressed¬† about by¬† every whim and worry¬† no more.¬† I appreciate the¬† little things in life, and¬† the little people.¬† I¬† don’t¬† get all ‘tied up’ by things because I have¬† learned they just¬† tend to¬† work themselves out.¬†¬†¬† If we¬† seek peace, and we¬† pursue it.¬†¬† If we determine in our¬† hearts it¬† will work out,¬† ‘a¬† worked out ‘¬†¬† solution –¬†will eventually find us.¬†

I love the¬† word¬† countenance,¬† because it is¬† wrapped around this word “weathered.”¬† It helps me see that¬†¬† if I endure, and¬† if I withstand even¬† the most¬†¬† challenging¬† things in life –¬† even as a¬† tree¬†¬† weathers a¬† storm,¬† then¬† I¬† too, will have the marks to¬† show my resistance to the storms in life that¬† caused me¬†¬† to¬† doubt my¬†¬† ability to¬† withstand.¬†¬† I love the words resistance, as well.

For one,¬† as a therapist, we¬† tend to¬† see it as a¬† challenge when¬†¬† a client represents¬† with resistance.¬†¬† And I¬† thoroughly live¬† trying to¬† break¬† through it .. sometimes…¬†¬† although often it¬† can be a pain.

Just like anything else in life.   That requires   breakthrough.

Several of¬† us don’t¬† believe¬† in breakthrough.¬†¬† We¬† don’t¬† believe in ever¬† trying because¬†¬† we¬† think we already know what¬† shall happen.¬† However,¬† I have been so, so¬† surprised.

I remember one¬† time in my life,¬† I was¬† really, really depressed.¬†¬† And I¬† found out through¬†¬† surrendering,¬† life¬† became so much easier.¬† I wanted to give¬† up,¬† every single¬† day I woke up for about¬† a year.¬†¬† And I¬† wasn’t¬† really sure¬† what ” give up” meant, but …¬†¬†¬† I had a notion.¬†¬† so,, you know you get in that place, where you wonder in life.. “How¬† did I get here?!!”¬†¬† (¬† You think… Heck,¬† it¬† stinks.) And it did.

But then I¬† just let my soul¬† cry out , and feel the pain of being there.¬†¬† I¬† knew if¬† I was here, and¬† if my life had purpose, then¬† this was a part of¬† the process.¬†¬† But I also knew I had to come out of it.¬† I had to¬† ‘weather’ this.¬†¬† Yet I determined I would not do this alone. And if there was help,¬†¬† I asked God to send it.

And he  did.

Like… immediately.


And I tell you, I was shocked out of my mind.   That  there was  even  help like he sent it.

It¬† increased my hope.¬†¬† And¬† my¬† experience with God proved¬† that¬† if there was anything ever in life¬† to¬†¬† receive¬† breakthrough, with —¬† God was¬† the ‘One’ to bring the break through.¬†¬† changed my¬† whole demeanor, my¬† expression and attitude towards life , changed my outlook, my¬† disposition and¬† my¬†¬† grace in living , in this life.¬†¬† I¬† even had one¬† person¬† tell me I had¬† such “poise”¬† in how¬† I¬†¬† approached life.

I thought: “Wow …if they only knew me¬† and where I was in this¬†¬† dark hole,¬† like¬† ten years ago…”¬† Yeah,¬†¬† I have been weathered.

And happily so…¬† it¬† didn’t feel¬† very good at the time, and I¬† felt like¬† I was¬†¬† quite the unstable one… yet I had a¬† such a peace in the outcome.¬† And that’s¬† because I¬† cried out.


Yes, my countenance changed.

  After all  that  weathering.