Ahhh…. The blessing of Maturity!
Feels good, right? Ha! (Yeah right.)
So, today I am writing today about maturity. Well… when you really look at it, maturity is necessary,. We don’t get any younger, and with every turn of a lesson learned, we need to gather the information and use it, for some good, right?
Well… I have learned a lot in my 50 years. I won’t bore you with details , but I will say this: The ONLY GOOD that comes out of life and being happy, is knowing God. He just seems to work things together for good. I will tell you about something small, and then, something really big.
“THE SMALL _ BIG THING…”
So , the small thing is… I guess it could be small to you, but to me, it’s kind of “small-BIG,” because it had everything to do with my mobility. Just one month ago, I could barely walk. I had to have my husband come and pick me up from work, and I could barely wslk. I was devastated. I had to go to emergency, and came out of emergency , with crutches, and I took most of the rest of the week off, until I could limp a little. I literally didn’t know what to do. I went to the doctor’s and they really could not say much about what was going on with me. They just seemed to say, “NO, its not that, and No, its not this.” So they ruled out practically everything, which left us to the fact that it must just need to take time to heal, and maybe a little re-habbing will work. So that’s what we did. Now, I didn’t want to listen to my husband. He seemed to know I needed the re-habbing, but I didn’t. I was just really , really put off. I spent the beginning of my summer just really out of it, because I didn’t want to be in the house, stuck, and miserable.
And so…As a mildly acquiescing 50-year old would do, I found other ways to adjust. I would sit on my patio, and read. And wrote a bit, too. I finally started trying to hear from God what was going on, and I got so much peace inside that all would be well, I ended up just handing it over Him. I even formed a prayer group in order to see why I had all this immobilization, cause there was SO Much TO DO!! And before you know it, … I was healing. I still have a slight limp, but I don’t need my crutches no more.
THIS IS HUGE, guys… because I found out so much meaning was in the fact God was doing spiritual work inside of me, as well. Not just on the outside. And I needed to really take heed. I am better today , and definitely more mature, because of it. I am accepting of things I cannot change And I am willing to seek God in even the most mundane and what “appear to be” not so significant things. But even more than that God used my ailment to produce a wonder.
What do I mean by that? Well here’s the thought.. Yesterday I listened to Beth Moore speak about following and heeding God. She said: “You can’t have the wonders with out the wounds and the wounds without the wonders!”
So true. Wonders come when we are willing to allow our wounds to show.
The really big “mature” deal for me, was that my life began to increase in knowledge and understanding when I allowed my wounds to be transparent.
God produces miracles if you really expect them.
Most of you know my S, Africa trip was a HUGE miracle in my life , that I believe will continue, but I also believe will go down as the miracles of all miracles. If you haven’t read about it, read here, and weep.
But I think just being able to go to South Africa showed me how intimately God wanted to connect with me about life and things coming to pass in my life. Yet there is complete “spiritual maturity that happens, when we decide to say YES – to anything God does!
I recently have had some hardship with doing something that God asked me to do. It had to do with becoming a counselor for those who struggle with addictions. For one main reason…Now, if you know my past, this is A HUGE MIRACLE, because God chose ME… this once little scary, quiet , anxiety-ridden child, (now woman… ) who wanted to disappear into thin air because her father was an alcoholic, and once was entirely embarrassed by how he lived his life…Yet today, God blessed him to have almost 40 years in recovery! Yep, that was my family, and that was me.
But today, some forty- something years later,…God wants me to now COUNSEL those same people who struggle with the same kind of addictions.. to counsel their families, their children, the alcoholics , drug addicts and addictive folk who come from these homes, and help them HEAL. Now if that ain’t a miracle, then … WHAT!!??
Amen. So that’s all folks…
no more to say – my biggest miracles… they they go!
When something is persistent, or insistent, it is demands attention. It sort of puts it out there, and then it either happens, or we move on. If it’s meant to be, it lasts, and if not, then we don’t begin again… we move on. We don’t have time for all that.
Fifty sort of teaches you that . If you are where you are, you are supposed to be there. And if you can’t hang, then you need to try something else. Yet if you have “sticktu-tiveness”…, you HANG…. You manage it. And you DEAL. It’s one of those “grown folks” adages. Now, considering all with common sense, you don’t stay in something that HARMS YOU. Or abuses you. Or robs you of your dignity. YOU STAY WHEN it helps you to GROW. You endure. You knock it out And you BRING IT.
Because sometimes the things that GROW us. MAKE US. Guess I’ve finally decided in my life I want to just keep getting better and better. So I have to put in the work.
When you meant to say something, you say it. When you mean to do it, you do it. You don’t hold back, you are emphatic. That means as the free dictionary states: “you stand out in a striking (ly) and clearly defined way.”
It appears for me, at least when you get to fifty you have that understanding. You know, the one that really just says: “What will be, shall be.” Yet you know you can’t fool around. You have to come full force. You have to come completely, adeptly, and you cannot “half- ass it.” *( Yeah, I said that…) You know that really isn’t a curse word, its just a form of being. I know someone in my life who told me a long time ago – ( name forbidden….) that I “half- assed” it – all the time. I don’t know tha I necessarily agreed but I could have done better. For sure. I think “fifty ” simply gives you full knowledge if you have come to that place and you realize WHEN need to do more. You also realize when OTHERS need to do more.
Should you always tell them? (a resounding, & emphatic….) No!
Why? Because its not always your job to tell them. Sometimes telling them could damage the relationship. That’ s where wisdom comes in. And discretion. Discretion involves planning and being discreet. It means you have made some similar mistakes in the past, and paid for them. And you decided to turn from that way, and try something NEW.
There was a time in my life I thought I really knew someone had taken something from me. It was a teenager. And I practically knew it could have been no one BUT her. ( I had even devised a scenario in my mind, where I confronted her, and she would give in and admit she did it!) I even walked out that scenario. Only to come to the end of that vision, and find out I was absolutely WRONG. I was not wrong when I confronted her , either. I was wrong AFTER I confronted her, went back home, and then found what I thought was stolen. My pride got in the way.
I thought I just knew everything, back then. And I walked it out because I just “knew” I was right. But boy, was I wrong.
Yes , indeed.
Taught me a lesson in living.
And taught me I was not God,, so I would never be completely right, even when I thought I was. Selah.
My head was SO, SO Big, back then. But I learned my lesson. Sometimes life is about lessons . Not knowing it all.
My fifty years sometimes takes me back to that moment , and I realize that I have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, because sometimes there’s so much more to know.
Hang out with me as I share wisdom for the days… I am counting down to my Fifty days of Fifty years old by writing about how I know I have arrived. Join me at #50DaysToFifty hashtag on Instagram or Facebook.
So I have been taking a series of photo shots and microblogging as it relates to ne turning fifty, this year. Then I realized the photos alone, were not enough. Yes, they speak, but there’s so much more to say.
Some of those photos are pretty spectac… and the others ..well, they are just me, being me. I like the feel of almost being fifty. It’s been rather contemplative, reflective and solemn.
It means I can sit on my porch at ‘dark thirty’ and just sit outside and be me.
I like the freedom involved at 50 to of myself. I’ve heard several say at fifty, ‘ you just become more relaxed and less matters.’ I find myself at fifty – yes, being more relaxed but also feeling more mature. In mind, body and spirit. The best way to describe it is just feeling as if I take time for internal rest.
I am beginning to think I know what it means to be myself, too. To feel comfortable in my own skin. Over the years I’ve struggled with relationships – mostly friendships, being that I’ve moved so much in my adult life. I’ve had awesome friends but then had to leave them, as I aspired for ventures that offered me a better career and more time being closer to family. There’s been a lot of sacrifice. All for great reasons. However, at fifty, there’s a retreating to “what’s right”, to and for the soul.
I feel more luxurious, at fifty. It means at fifty, I can just sip some tea on a nice evening on the patio in the am, because it feels so good to just have fresh air and tea ‘ mixed together.’
Or it may mean I get to take an extra nap on a quiet, wet and rainy morning or afternoon .
Sometimes it means I get to listen to my thoughts, in absolute silence.
And laugh as I ponder over my favorite photos of my nieces and nephews.
As I allow them to simmer, and I can just meditate on being grateful.
Thoughtless, musings …grateful ponderings, simmerings of tea and a good spirit of nothingness… yea that’s what it means to be 50.
Hashtag me on Instagram to read more as I microblog about #50daystofifty
Thanks for reading! If you can relate or liked something you’ve read, leave a comment and let me know you’re out there.
I have decided that I really enjoy separating my projects. Some how they seem more authentic , when I do and I can compartmentalize the work, a little better.
What Ive been working on…