I dreamt I was being honored in my life for holding up the torch. I was receiving a reward. For being a light when others needed me to be. That’s all. Then, when I began to think about all the women in my life who held up torches for me, I realized I was simply passing on a torch. That I really wasn’t a torch holder, I was just honored to hold it for a little while and had not the women come to me in my life to help me through some of the roughest passages in my life I have ever endured, then I would not have had a chance to be a torch for anyone else.
Isn’t that how life really is, though?
We get to live a little, and then we realize that someone has always been present to help guide us through life? That we really didn’t make it through life on our own, and if we think we did, there was always someone who was sprinkled along the way that deposited “something” in our spirit in order for us to thrive and hold on for a little while longer.
I could say their names, but I am not sure that is as important as their character in those times of need.
So.. Let me tell you what it is about them, that paved the way and gave me LIGHT, when I needed it.
There was a woman who gave me the gift of prayer.
Now, this woman I really wasn’t not aware she prayed over me, but her hands would touch my soul. She would sit and pray and as she did, I wondered why does she just quietly sit and smile like that, like she has so much peace? I was about eight years old, maybe up until I was ten years of age – at least to my knowledge. I would remember her touch, her smell, and her loving-kindness. Her gentleness. No, I really was not aware she was praying for me then, but as I grew, I had revelation that was what she was doing. To this day, when I meet a child or someone who needs pray, I silently touch them and pray, because she lives on in me. She held up a torch for me. I was certain too, that the works I do, her prayers are resounding in them. Selah. Thank you Mother spirit.
Then, there was a woman who gave me the gift of guidance and structure.
Now this woman, was gentle, kind warm and friendly. She had peace. Had happiness that would exude from her persona and light up her face. She was a role model and a leader for me. She showed me how to carry myself. I wanted to be just like her… when I grew up. She knew how to have fun. And at one of the most tumultuous times in my life as a child, she brought me: “room to breathe.” Does she know? Maybe. But maybe she doesn’t realize it fully, because I have never told her as an adult. It is my desire is to call her and let her know, before she leaves this earth. There are some people that we meet in life we just KNOW they are angels. They may really be real people. But they are ever so present – and as this woman was my surrogate mother on several occasions, she was. Did I know what she did was what would hold me and keep me together at the age of eleven and beyond? No… I am not sure I knew then, but I know now. The guidance and the structure helped my esteem to soar and helped me to feel as if I was a little girl again, and could one day be whole. And …be well. I honor her, and as I write, I cry… because she held up a torch for me. Thank you Mother spirit.
So … there’s another woman. She gave me the gift of hope and self acceptance.
Her deposit in my soul – my mind, will and emotions was sort of : effervescent . In the sense that I bubbled up.. and became a more mature woman, by realizing that a weakness, could become a strength. Yes indeed, I was a teenager, but her being placed in my life to help me believe in myself when i felt so self-consumed and lost as a teen, and somewhat angry for my plight in life… she gave me strength to believe I could be more. It softened the anger and resentment in me. And for that, I take on her wings, and now I deposit the same into women’s lives today. Her wings of self acceptance, teach me how to soar when I felt all alone and like no one understands me, I find hope within myself. And as I look within, I resound. I see resilience and hope I have never seen before. I don’t look to any person, or even my husband to provide that, I look at my God-given strength and I rejoice. She held up a torch for me. Thank you Mother spirit.
And so the next woman, gave me the gift of peace.
On her death bed, mind you. She released me. I cannot barely explain. But how does someone give you peace in your soul, before they die? I don’t know, and I can barely fathom it, all i know is, she gave me strength to move on, and have purpose in life, through her peace. She never hardly said a word, as I went to spent time with her , and see her, in that nursing home on Mt Hope Ave, in Rochester, N.Y. – but she bore peace for me. As she rested quietly, in a restful place, and sat quietly with her hands folded on her lap, and I spent time with her and we prepared her to lay to rest, she held up a torch for me. A torch of peace that proclaims to a nation of people how to let go and release and live better, freer, more purposed lives and how to not hold on just because people want you to, but to release and let go, because I DESERVE PEACE. I honor her for that and give her reverence. Thank you, Mother spirit.
Wow, so then there’s woman, who just gave me the gift of her presence.
I delight in her. She is a joy. A very present help in the time of need. Sometimes just having someone present, Is Enough. You can walk through deep waters, storms and crises…with a present sister. Yes you can. This woman’s strength in not necessarily giving me advice, but helping me to have perspective and meaning in one of the darkest times of my life, was simply present. And that was enough. To this day, her presence reminds me to be present for others. To just show up. Selah. That reminds me not to leave my sisters alone. She held up a torch for me. Thank you Mother spirit.
So then there is this person I simply adore. She gave me the gift of honor.
To know how to honor someone… is simply the greatest gift you can give, This person blesses me with a humble spirit, in that she teaches when she is unaware. You can watch her life, and see acceptance, in everyone she meets. She has never turned away a dying soul. Even the ones who wronged her. I love her for that, and that God- fearing woman has taught me more than life could give me… because it’s times when I was enduring rage and anger and ready to give up, that her honor saved my life. To this day, I honor the people God placed in my life and myself, a woman, with dignity, to the fullest degree in order to soar and allow myself to remain, despite the hardship. She held up a torch for me. Yes, thank you mother spirit, indeed. Thank you. Mother spirit.
Okay, one more… (smile)
This woman here, now she is a deep sister. She gives me the gift of praise.
THIS woman… is like the epitome of confidence. Like, I rarely see her in my life… in person, but she is such a resounding spirit of ecstatic purpose! She has such energy, I feel it across the miles and from past experiences, I remember her as if she is near. When she enters a room, like everyone notices not only her, but the energy she emits and her radiance is like a bundle of light that refreshes everyone in the room and helps them to feel enlightened and happier, as well. This woman is refreshment and peace and hope and sometimes just plain ole silliness, but when you leave her presence, you feel rejuvenated. Does she know this? Maybe. Rarely do we know the true effect we have on others, but what I love about her is , she does it with such a grace, and has such a personality, it helps me to be free, being me, as well. I just watch her life.
And as I do, I resound, I feel, I trust, I grow, I see.
I love her so much, indeed. How can you give praise, when life is can be ugly, so grim at times , and so challenging? And still be free? I don’t know, but this woman came to me, during this time and breathed life in me. She saw me in this place, and she reminded me of my need for peace. ( Yes, she’s one of the daughters of peace and and prayer, above…)
Man, I love her… She held up a torch for me. Thank you, Mother spirit.
And so…. I am not finished. There are so many lights… so many… friend torches that held me up too.. I can write on and on .. ( and I will) because these women have been mothers to me.
The other day, I told someone that I would write a book about mothers, but not having been a mother, I would write it. and write about the spirit of motherhood that exists in women who have not necessarily given birth.
I believe I am on the something here… look out for the book, soon… Thank you Lord for this amazing dream.
2 responses to “They Held Up The Torch For Me.”
I really enjoy reading the stories of your experiences. You r stories are captivating.Keep writing ! I am definitely waiting on your next book. Love you…..
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Thanks and I appreciate your reading, Mom!