Quiet.

Quiet is my safe space. I get quiet, and my whole world changes. It’s wisdom for my soul.

I’ve learned over the years that quiet is not just a way of being. It’s a healthy place. A place where growth happens. A place where the world stops and all its ‘chaotic-ness’.

Quiet is a place of security. Where I become my best friend.

Quiet is where I practice self-love.

Quiet is hope for my future.

Quiet is a soft, soft, song. And sometimes without words.

Sometimes I go to this place knowing it will free me and rejuvenate me.

Other times it’s when I lack courage and need to nurture and feed myself only ‘good words’.

And then there are times when Quiet helps me rest. Long for myself and my identity , again. To remember who I am, ‘Whose‘ I am, … and where I belong that’s safe and calm.

Yeah, quiet is my best friend.

It’s a concrete and completely divine way of remembering

That I am special.

Ase’ .

Thank you, Quiet.

Feelings.

If someone asked you how you felt, would you be able to tell them?

Feelings can be hard to pinpoint sometimes.

Someone close to me asked me the other day how was I feeling and I really didn’t have words.

This is a good chart to use when you’re lost with your feelings. Knowing how you feel can help to have perspective on life matters when you don’t know where you stand on a matter.

For instance, if you’re confused, you may need to process with a friend or counselor those feelings before you share them with anyone else, and get clarity.

If you’re sad,… do you know why? What can you do about your sadness? Do you need a day off from work? Do you need to have a break?

Are you exhausted?

What needs to change?

Do you need some perspective on life balance what it means to have it?

When you have perspective, you make better decisions, you feel empowered and more confident in life.

When you can’t identify your feelings you find negative and adverse ways of coping, you shore up your hurts, have major misunderstandings, because you fail to communicate them, and you often feel insecure and falter.

Choose to feel, today.

Take control of your life, risk feeling vulnerable and be in control of your emotional life. You’re so worth it.

how i harnessed myself through covid.

So when I decide to endure difficulty, I manage to “harness myself.” It’s a process.

And of course, I am not an easy person to manage. I once had someone tell me I was “high maintenance.”

I consider that a compliment. They just didn’t understand me. Looking back… I realize I was I literally a person of influence, and that “becoming” wasn’t my fault – they just didn’t understand how influence was made.

Influencers are complex. And it’s ok. I dont have to “become” like anyone else. I can be unique, and its ok.

Life in the wilderness….

If you look up one of the definitions of the word HARNESS in the dictionary – you will find these words:

Harness” – to bring under conditions for effective use; gain control over for a particular end: to harness water power; to harness the energy of the sun. Archaic.

 to array in armor or equipments of war.

So deep. “If I am preparing for a war…” I harness myself. I get all the right tools. Amazing.

I felt the grief of this war. It was saddening… painful. Yet freeing in many ways.

War… in fact means : “a state of armed conflict between different nations or states

or different groups within a nation or state.”

Fits perfectly.

I feel like this was what CoVid taught me to do: TO HARNESS myself.

Effectiveness is not taught always… sometimes its endured.

Other definitions are: to rein in, to “tackle, belt or fasten…” sounds Like a trip, right? )Haha)

Well… its interesting that when CoVid began I surely felt like I was on a journey. I knew if I didn’t arrest myself and begin to think about this as a journey, I might not make it through the journey. So… I put on my belt, and I endured.

Buckled up.

Prepared to be ‘sacked’.

Tackled some things.

Some I managed well.

Others… broke me totally apart.

Here are a few things I did for perspective:

I prayed hard.

I took the focus off myself.

I sat in complete quiet for an hour or more.

I napped a whole lot.

I talked to friends I loved.

I lamented with others who were hurting.

I prayed for “them”- whomever ‘them’ were…

I sat in the Sun.

Opened windows.

Went on snowy Walks.

Watched a lot of comedy.

Played with babies.

Prayed some more.

Talked to friends on the phone, & Zoom. {Zoom mostly}.

I cried.

Got lost in worship. {the most freeing…}

I went to random spots to eat, even while nervous.

I held a group on purpose.

I lamented to God and my husband, some more…

I spent time with old pictures.

I tried so hard to journal, …but it was hard.

I stayed up all night.. just writing and making new projects.

I prayed for everyone hurting from the death of George Floyd.

I prayed for George.

I cried some more.

I prayed for black men everywhere.

I prayed for the black men in my family.

I prayed for the 3 new baby boys in my family.

I prayed for their parents as they raised them.

I prayed for ways to find my voice amidst the pain.

I lamented to God.

I allowed myself to feel the hurt.

I thought deeply about hate… and how it kills.

I took care of my parents.

I focused on quality and not quantity.

I practiced gratefulness.

I took pictures with my camera.

I thanked God for the little things.

I changed my diet.

I thought a lot about my future.

I spent time working on projects.

I prayed for my enemies.

I trusted God and asked for a harnessing of my soul.

I am sure I did a whole lot more… but these things helped me quite a bit.

Selah.

My Flavor of Being …Happy

NikonCoolpix
Facebook thoughts…

Happiness has been a journey for me. I wrote this on my post today , and boy …was I surprised what I wrote!

I didn’t expect to write about the “flavor” of my happiness. I laugh inside because I didn’t expect “Happiness” to have a flavor… (haha) … But it does! Happiness has a taste of butterscotch ice cream or almond…or vanilla amaretto (for me)… It’s a savoring kind of taste. something that makes you wants to taste it, like, forever.
I have tasted happiness but not so much until I reached fifty-something, on a consistent basis.

I attribute this to hard work. Hard work involving “working on ME.” I have being doing tons of self-evaluation lately. I had a group of women it began with; yet I ended up doing most of it involving me doing it alone. And I’ve been consistently over the past maybe fifteen years working on it with deep, digging , introspective work.

Here are the words that I feel like deserve some applause:

🌸Confidence

🌸Self-Love

🌸Motivation

🌸Self-Trust.

🌸Settled.

🌸Placed.

🌸Courageous

These words helped me to step out of my comfort zone. Amazing how “one-word” reflection can help you to become intentional. If you’d like to be involved in a group bot individual process for this, let me know and I’ll coach you through the process .

Chaplain Contemplations: Freedom.

I was trying to think of what walking in my calling looks like. So I began to think about for the first time in my life, my ” heart feels full.”

I mean, I get this full feeling sometimes to the point I cannot even explain the emotion, and then I emotionally feel as if I’m about to explode …with sheer joy.

It’s happened more than once. It really has.

And just recently I looked up the definition of heart”; in the Vines dictionary and found this which so explicitly explains my feelings…

Heart is referred to as:

  1. The seat of physical life
  2. The seat of moral nature and spiritual life
  3. The seat of grief
  4. The seat of the affections
  5. The seat of perceptions
  6. The seat of the thoughts
  7. The seat of the understanding
  8. The seat of reasoning powers
  9. The seat of the imagination
  10. The seat of conscience
  11. The seat of the intentions
  12. The seat of purpose
  13. The seat of the will
  14. The seat of faith

ALL of this.. is in our hearts!! No wonder “out of it flows the issues of life!”

Of our sense of purpose , decision-making , our faith and intentions are all tied up in our heart- even our sorrows – that means everything meaningful flows out of the heart!

That why in that same scripture we ask you to “guard it with all diligence”.

What does it look like for you to guard your heart? It means you watch over everything that concerns your purpose and your sense of well-being. All your hope, all your destiny and all your exchanges in life- with people, friends, family and your children .

What’s in your heart is meaningful and should be kept secured in faith.

Because faith has substance you know. It can take root in your soul and change your lifestyle and change your outlook and perspective in life. It can encourage all those around you and help you to become a more rooted and grounded person.

Selah.

#chaplaincy #chaplainlife #lifeofachaplain

My Sabbath Rest, Day .

I’ve taken to micro-blogging for the sake of a lack of time, and what you see here is the beginnings of my offering to you –  as  I  share how I  partake of my personal rest.

Self-care used to be hard for me. I have a very busy job and some days I get going and don’t settle at all til the evenings…rather late… Yet this picture here helps me find that and remember it. I try my best to make Sundays a Sabbath. The last few Sundays I have been pretty  good with this goal. I’ve been successful in finding rest. Some try to often make us feel guilty for resting, but no, not I.   For me, Sabbath is a place of resolve. And if I cannot find it at  all…in any given day, then something’s wrong  with my time management and  self-care paradigm. I don’t care who tries to make me feel guilty, I won’t accept it.

Even from my husband .

(And he’s the one that initially turned me on to Sabbath!  Interesting how  easily we  can  get out  of routine, huh….)

Want to rest with me on Sunday?

Here’s how  I do rest:

  •  I  get a  cup of tea.
  •  I spend time with  a friend that may like to contemplate or  quietly write.
  •   I  go to  a cafe’ and   drink and  journal.
  •  I  spend time if it’s nice outside –   drinking  in the sun.
  •  I  spend  time  near  a  body of water or in nature .
  •  I  read a good book in a  quiet corner.
  •  I   laugh.  I  find a   comedy movie,  a friend  who likes to tell  jokes,  and just  chill.
  •  I  gather  perspective and I may  go to yoga.
  •  I  catch up with a friend or spend time  writing a letter to them.
  •  I  scrapbook.
  •  I have a pajama day.
My noted change as a result of this practice has been: ‘No   dreading  with the pre-Monday  blues’ I’m better   – because I  feel rested  On  Monday , now, and ready for the day! Check out my links I post, or my blog posts.. you’ll find rest….😄 Please read this blog by Shelly Miller it’s on time for learning about how to rest. Shelley is no longer with us, but she left a legacy of restful words. Check out her blog here: http://redemptionsbeauty.com/sabbath-society/

.
 Keri Wyatt Kent is one of my favorite authors of books called: “rest.” Her blog is here:
http://www.keriwyattkent com is another good Sabbath blog.

Why not join me and rest?
Share every Sunday how you take time to relax in the weekend.
Thanks for reading. And sharing!

Taken in Tulsa, OK.

Being Enough & Being Wise.

I was inspired by this series after I participated in a  Celebrate Recovery group and  talking about feeling “helpless”. It was a process for me to discuss in group, because as soon as I  spoke about why I tend to feel worried and procrastinate on some things, I realized that  This vulnerable space I often feel between  not worrying and trusting God  causes me to feel way too vulnerable.
 I Am  Enough Because I Am Wise.

So what does it really mean to be wise?

Does being wise mean… to be humble?

Does it mean we should consult with someone else who has  good advice, can problem-solve, help us manage our lives better or may give good counsel?

Or does it mean simply having good sense In knowing how to respond?

Perhaps.

…Or maybe it means being still enough to take care of our lives  because we care enough about our lives to be safe, discerning and aware.
Perhaps where I am wisest is when I spend time in the presence of friends. I have wise friends. There is a scripture in the bible that says :

“There is safety in a multitude of counselors.”

Proverbs 11:14

I love that scripture. It has resounded over the years with me. I have realized over time that perhaps the best  acumen, has come from  having “experience” as my  teacher. With all my experiences, I have  gained such rewarding  insight from friends who have “showed up”  in my own personal struggles, when I needed such wisdom, – and  sowed complete love and admonition  for me,  and their wise actions and advice, benefited me greatly.  The intuition  and  inspiration was on an entirely different level and  completely humbling most of the times, because I allowed them to pour into me, and  I trusted them.   As a result, I have  compassion for  them and for others who have experienced similar situations.

 It led me to  write my book, Red Sea Situations.

I have many women “mentors”  that have guided me over the years, and who have also  guided me in counsel, and one of them is my mother. I’ve placed her picture here  of my mom, because Mom has been over the years one person who has supported my dreams more than I have even believed in them.
I remember when my ‘far-fetched’ dream of traveling to South Africa  came as an opportunity. Mom was so concerned about me traveling so far not really knowing the people very well, and being safe.  I was traveling with someone  knew, but had not known them for very long. She was excited for me. And so.. She reminded me if ‘God gave you that opportunity, Jennifer – I will have to trust in His divine plan for your life.” That was so humble of her. To trust God beyond seeing her ‘babygirl’ – at age of 38 years –  going so far. She had to place me in God’s hands. And you know that’s cool because God gave her that strength. she expected it to keep her in wisdom, and so wisdom  came.

Mom over the years has supported me in several endeavors, but most of all she has led me to discern friendships that are also “safe emotionally and spiritually.”  I believe this is a lesson all mothers should teach their children.

I believe one of the most humbling  situations I experienced, was  a friend who helped me when I had no where else to go. She had always told me, because she knew I was going through a hard time no matter when or what time it was, whenever I needed a place to go, I could just stop by. One night i thought I was close to losing it, and i knew if I didn’t get out of the house,  I would .  So indeed, I  went over and it was about ten fifteen pm. When I arrived at her  door, her husband answered, he smiled, and  didn’t say a word. All  he said was: “She’s  is upstairs, go ahead on up.”

Clearly, I had been crying, and I slipped past him. When I go to the top of the stairs,  I heard her talking to her boys  in a very sacred moment, and she said , “Come on in, Jenn.” She was there with the two of them, they were about three and six years old, and  she was hugging on them in bed. She made space for me, and  welcomed me in me bed with them. We didn’t talk much that night, we just laid there in quiet and peace. Her boys smiling and  she interacting and mothering them, and I quietly watched them enjoy and love on one another. I’ve  never felt so welcomed.

…And to this day, our bond is unbreakable.

Now, this has nothing to do with me, and my wisdom. However, my friend’s wisdom –  in this moment taught me how to be wise. It taught me how when I am at m lowest point to embrace someone in love and just acceptance, is the very best  action of love. To just be present for them, regardless.  That night, we never spoke much,  I didn’t pour my heart out and all my business.  But her presence, just meant the world to me.

For me, wisdom and love, really are not far  apart. In fact, they are like semi- cousins. I  also found out that I don’t have to know all the details, I just need to love on them.  There’s a time and a season for everything, and sometimes knowledge isn’t necessary. She didn’t know, and still doesn’t know what I was experiencing that evening, but what matters is that I  knew she was there, and that she loved me. To me, that’s agape love. The God-kind of love.

From this one action, I have found that I can love people without words, in such an amazing way, and that it involves just seeing that their soul is so worthy of love. This type of ‘friend -awareness’ has allowed me to be the same kind of friend. It’s also give me a greater burden to be a mentor to my sisters in Christ.   And any other women who need advice in any shade, color or form. I am not particular to them  knowing and loving God, first… I just need to know they are open to my might shining in that regard if I have to share an occasional miracle.

On a lighter note,

I am wise because I am clever.

Cleverness is not  a word I use very much n my vocabulary, yet I find very attractive.

My husband is rather clever. It was attractive to me from the first day I met him. And his cleverness tends to rub off on me at times. Cleverness involves, quick wit, charm, and  wise words, and at times a bit of playfulness. Perhaps the playfulness is the most fun. Being clever involves finding  a certain resourcefulness from within. It’s understanding how to use integrity to teach someone by not reacting. It also involves  not  stooping to a level of  personal embarrassment or  ignorance  because someone else does. Not allowing their impulsive demeanor, unkindness and lack of integrity move me with words. I think I learned how to be clever once I  decide din my mind I didn’t care what others thought about me. It was freeing.  I decided that once I had made up my mind, and it made sense and I had  filtered it through my wisest  friends, and they were in agreement, it was well. And no one’s opinions mattered. My clever quick wit would then pounce back on others when they had comments  or opinions about my  actions in which they did not agree. I admire folk who can take judgment and  crush it as soon as someone swings it at them, and  keeps on  walking without shame or resentment because they are confident they are in a good place.

I am wise because I am contemplative.
Contemplation is one of my favorite things to do. As an introvert, I tend to find myself when I contemplate. Whether it involves speaking to myself, my heart, and pondering the actions of my day I find rest in re-evaluation. If I don’t do re-evaluate, I become restless.
What is in this restless space? Unawareness? A lack of purpose? Dis-alignment? Is that why when I am not looking within, I falter?
I get nervous, my anxiety peaks, or I have a loss for words? I prefer contemplation in order to help me rest. I may not have even realized the extent to which I depend upon what I call : “finding center” Laraine Herring in the book: “Writing Begins With Breath: Embodying your Authentic Voice”, says after the basic needs of food air, water and shelter are met, most of our actions and behaviors stem from a need for love, compassion, understanding and emotional safety.” I find that interesting, because that means if this is true, most of what I seek, when I look within, is about finding self-love.

(Read about  my  self love and being enough in another story, here.)

I must say however; some of the most unwise persons have hurt me. have been unreasonable,  inattentive ungraceful and  ill-mannered people I know, because they lacked compassion.   Indeed, perhaps this scripture measures up when wisdom is most attractive: “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.” (Psalm 85:10)

If you enjoyed reading this  excerpt, please take the time to  read the series: Completely Validated & Meditative Thoughts on ‘Being Enough.’ , which will soon be an audio course and workbook series online .

Interested in learning more about being enough and reading more about it?

Contact me below for more info on the  Kamau Care Meditative Series!

For a small price of $15.00, you can have the e-book series audio format where you can download and listen as you go!

saying YES.m To More.

Saying yes.

I was here today. Trying to do that things again.

You , know, say Yes.

It’s like  hard to say that, you know? To say yes when you don’t know what’s behind the door.

Saying YES.. when  all seems to be going against you…

Saying YES… when  I can barely breathe sometimes, You know?

Saying YES… when other things seem to be calling us to higher heights and deeper depths.

Saying YES… to  God. Yes, not No.

Saying YES…  to  everyone  but Him…

Saying YES because I want to …

Saying YES because I NEED to…

But I keep taking risks, and going  there because I want to be there,  so badly.

Yes.

you know that place where grace is always present.

Where ease feels like my best pajamas…

Where hope  rises.

Where peace  rests and rests some more.

In my Yes-es.

Yeah, I want to be there. To see my own reflection and just be that person each and every time, in every way imaginable.  I just want to be there. Where ‘yes’ is.

I want what’s behind the yes.

So….sometimes I see the reflection and grace of knowing yes can help or hurt me.

I see the beauty of yes … although sometimes it still seems so far away sometimes- the power of one little small word.

When I see the sun’s reflection shining through my window, I want to scream “Yes!”

I keep getting these awesome views.

And I rest in them.

The views that reach for me, too.

A few of my Yes-es…

  • Following my dreams,
  • Writing with passion.
  • Seeking God for heart and His desires.
  • Hoping I am fulfilling my purpose in Him.
  • Not getting too caught up in this life,
  • Knowing and understanding there’s another  LIFE to live…
  • Trusting my intuition.
  • Hoping against hope.
  • Sharing and loving on those who need help.
  • Trusting God more and more..
  • Serving.
  • Looking to fulfill, not to take.
  •  Managing what He’s given me, using it wisely, and sowing it back into humanity and lives that never lived… fully.

I believe in more beautiful rays and hopes, and dreams …. deposited in me everyday.

YES!

South Africa.

South Africa was a really fun place to be. Smiles everywhere… from the people and not just small smirks or blushes but bright, shining smiles that were pure joy!

For faces light up after years of oppression, death and sadness showed me that people were really blessed find a secret joy that made them feel alive and free. I would think after years of the suppression and oppression, that people would have loads of residue that would still exist- ten years after apartheid.

And they did.. there were several signs of poverty and the shantytowns I saw that were built from tin and had several holes in them that kept out light, but not the cold.

Yet these smiling faces never kept showing up .. they were inspiring, hopeful and helpful. Even to me, when I was going through an imminent divorce. I cam truly say,  the  people in this  place inspired, rejuvenated, and  sparked my joy, once  again.

Thanks, South Africa.

What’s the Difference Between Motivation and Inspiration ?

How can you tell when you have been motivated and then.. inspired?

I did an exercise today and noted a few things that motivated me; first, then I asked myself what about those five things caused me to be INSPIRED??

  • children
  •  families
  •  hope
  • creativity
  • love

 What INSPIRES ME about the FIVE SUBJECTS – Is that children being successful, …achieving; children who grow up to be adults and they break generational curses! Children who decide they will live better, stronger lives than those before them.

 Families nurturing one another; families with high esteem; families that make other families by examples
Hope – hope giving; hope in culture hope for  another 100 years by the lives we led before them. hope by example , courageous hope , inspirational hope that lasts inspires creativity.

And creativity inspires ME.  It helps me laugh, helps me to trust myself on another level. It helps me  stand  with my head held high; and it helps me stand with pride and look back on my culture with love and high esteem.

I just came back from The National African American Museum in Washington, DC and BOY was I inspired! So proud of the gift in storytellers and historians and curators…because to tell stories, and share stories of empowerment and to inform and tell history… what a leah at they have left for several African American people. To know the truth and allow it to make you free..wow because where would we be without it!

The National Mall in Washington, DC

Oh and here is what inspires me about LOVE…

Love inspires me how it GIVES ME JOY; 

Love helps me feel whole.

 Love help me treat other unconditionally 

Sunshine Mixed with a Little Hurricane.

So tonight I just sat in silence.

Well …actually , I listened my spirit- and then I found myself some place where I was ‘supposed to be’ after work, and ended up at a special solemn event . And I pondered on how precious life is, and how if the same event happened to me, what would I want someone to do.

And that was just showing up. Showing up, that’s all.

It turned out to be a special day, because the things I had planned, yet I didn’t really do . I just let my spirit guide me. I listened within, and )with the exception of the french fries I ordered & that I didn’t need), I’d say I was alright . In the pensiveness , I thought about connecting with family… and I did . God knows I don’t do this enough. Yet, it’s pretty special when I do.

I’ve decided I enjoy connecting with people much more than I knew. I am usually very selfish with my time.

I am not certain I like that. I found out today that ‘missing connection’ is just not the way to live. And that I need to be more intentional about it. After it’s not about me.

What isn’t ?

Life. Circumstance. Connection.

So at the top of the morning I do some form of meditation and/or yoga. Then I listen to worship on the way to work, & I am pumped up, feel a bit lighter , and I settle on a work. Life is pretty eventful after that. It’s like a strong wind blowing… consistently ..and then by the time I am off it’s 4:30 & it’s time to get off. I got this title from the fact that one of ‘lil stickers’ followed me to work one day and it’s still there on my computer frame. . It said “sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.” (Describes my job to a T.) It was on my pants pocket and my boss pointed it out to me: saying: “ Jenn, you have a sticker or something on your pants.” I said :”Oh! Thanks… thought about it, and where it might have come from, & she asked : which one are you? “The sunshine or the hurricane?” Without a beat, I said : “Sunshine all the way, baby!” and everyone laughed.

This wasn’t a coincidence . I have to be sunshine on the job circuit because it can be that stressful sometimes we must find out how to connect ‘authentically’.

I thought about being sunshine. And I noticed I woke up following the sun to work today . Check out this pic! I guess if the shoe fits, wear it, right?

I guess where you’ll find me is following my intuition and forever observing spaces where I can reflect sunlight.

That’s just who I am.

me being led by the sunshine.